Tis I

(I roll C M Punk Style!)

Hello Fellow Bloggers...Anyone who knows me can tell you I'm quite the shutterbug. I love my digital camera Chris and Lucky got me for Mother's Day so much I use it every chance I get. My downfall is I never take the time to put them on the net. So, I am going to do my best to get them onto one of my many hosting sites by doing at least three files a night before bed. Now, getting them onto my blogs or other sites is another story.
Hey, I'm doing my best...
Morning all,
Didn't know I left did ya? Just one of the perks of doing this on notebook before I transfer to my many blogs, journals and so on.
It's cool this morn, got up, watched some shows on the DVR then retreated to my room for morning exercises. Turned on the TV, news on every channel I flip through telling me yup, life still sucks out there....fires, floods, missing Mom's and dead babies.
People wonder why I stay in here...it's safe...it's serene...most days.
Ah, Alan Jackson....he is soothing....
On to life.

The Offending GF.

Grrr.Here we go again, After the night before last, my daughter puts herself in a risky position around one of her friends psycho boyfriends, she does the same with an ex of her friends last night.
This gf of hers has been bad news since the beginning years ago when I found out that the girls mother left my daughter alone at their house in bum fucked Egypt with a bunch of other kids, the oldest might have been 14.
Drama strikes back when the kids Mother's boyfriend (ex?) shows up with a gun when my kid was there. Ok, that is bullshit. She was banned from ever going back there.
Then, her gf moves in with her father who is a stricter, family oriented man, remarried, and my kid starts going over there. Things were good for a bit then she forgot checking in, things really began to unravel when her gf got her license.
Now I feel we are back to where we started. She never remembers to call me when she gets to her gf's Dad's which last night, I had a feeling she really wasn't going there and I found out this morning she didn't. They ended up staying right behind us at that guys house.
At first she said she was at this girl house then the guys name slipped. She swears she didn't say the first name but I'm not even going to tough that one.
All I know is any time she goes with this girl, there is a hassle, and I end up all night awaiting a phone call that never comes, the gf of my daughter won't answer her cell or returns my call thus showing what I knew already, she has NO respect for me or the authority I have over my daughter or my health as she lets me get upset as I do.
To top it off, my daughter ends up with an attitude from hell the next day...enough said.
I nipped it in the bud...NO MORE GOING OUT WITH that gf.
I am sick of my daughter being an excuse for her to meet these guys and carry on with her drama. Further more, I have had my fill of her psycho bf's or X's as the case may be and the probable endangerment my daughter willingly puts herself in because she cares for this gf.
If she can get the car to run around all over town and stay at these guys houses, then she can use it to stay here where I know my kid isn't getting into trouble or put into any more potential dangerous position.
Enough said because ...
MOMMA HAS HAD ENOUGH!

I always have put myself on trial, come to think of it.

Daily Horoscope by Astrology.com
Tuesday July 17, 2007
Scorpio
Stop putting yourself on trial. Usually your best is more than enough. If something else needs to work in this particular situation, think of it as a learning experience, not a judgment. Figure out a fix, then move on.

Silly Faces

Ben's left laughing all night over his giggle box girlfriend.

She is a character!

A.J Styles has Chris in stitches.

Ben laughing over Lucky's antics.

Lucky snorts when she laughs!

Micky had to play too!

Catching up.

Another day begins as I sit in the grey hours of pre-dawn. I wasn't feeling well last night.I was so tired but couldn't sleep. As fate would have it all I wanted to do was sleep today.
I'm still ran down with next to nil in energy at points. I really hope that these meds for my thyroid kick in. I need to get new labs in three months.
We have the Road to victory PPV for TNA tonight. Oriental for dinner. I think the crowd will be light tonight. Liz is in the hospital :( and Jeremy hasn't confirmed. Don't know whose bringing Randy.
Tummy grumbles, lunch must be wrestled down soon.
Talked to my Mom this morning. She called in reference to an email I sent over their silence and our confusion over it. It was no doubt bothering me and really getting under Lucky's skin. We were under the impression they had cell phones. Well, they were turned in two years ago because where they lived received no service. Anyway, they are going to get the Internet phone like we want and then will call more. That lets some pressure off me I tell you.
I'm glad I took to writing my journal on the notepad because as I write this the Internet is cutting on and off.
My legs are running the gambit. As the weather changes so do they. I'm talking from the swelling to the dry skin and the ulcers that try to plague me. Falling asleep in my chair doesn't help because i don't recline in it, I use a foot rest. I know, I'm weird but I have anxiety over the weirdest shit.
Sis and Dusty call me allot. Dusty's bride to be is about to give birth any day now. Her contractions go from hours to minutes and she will be induced tomorrow if she doesn't have the baby by then. It's gonna be her first baby, I think Dusty's fourth.
Kevin calls at least once a month. He's moved twice since we have been speaking again.
John pulled up stakes, skipped town over child support and alimony I am told. I haven't talked to him in months. I had wished better out of him.
I still haven't spoken to Quintin whose moved back to Kentucky to be with his girlfriend.
Lucky is well and still with Ben. In love and giddy when he is around. In love and driving me insane when he isn't. She's staying out of trouble and that is what counts. Can't believe she is a senior. Chris and I are getting ready to have her senior pictures done. She's wanting to get them done professional...so be it. i wanted to take them outside and with my new digital but you know how it goes with teens.
Mickey is here for the weekend and he is adorable. There was no troubles and he's been a really good boy. I've taken several pics and I know I need to get my new pics online cause I have tons but when i have time it seems the net is down. Anyway...
Oh my Darkness! I love my game! It's awesome! Been playing a little by little but I am so enamored with it. The darklings talk to me and it's so funny.
ACK! This damn net is still down and I want to do stuff.....I suppose I should read..
Chris rules...he fixed my net.
Oh, WOW is taking over the world.
Pierce is on vacation.
Going to post this now...

Can't sleep

So I sit here playing tetris world on my Xbox at 3 twelve in the morning. I hear the tv in the living room and the humming of my oxygen machine who ever so often makes me think of Darth Vader. I really like him...perhaps he is where i first got my fetish for capes? Anyway. I've had so much running through my head disrupted only by the need to pee and Chris coughing. He's sick and there is nothing I can do except check to make sure he is tucked in and if he needs anything. What started the depressive stature I feel is my rat Dorry died. She was old, blind in one eye, had tumors and had a long happy life so i knew it was going to happen but I miss her as does her Sis Alley whose been looking or her all day. An occasional squeak from my Russian dwarf hamsters jolt my attention from my keyboard and back into my world here. I crack my knuckles, yawn, sigh then look at the computer screen. No one there that really knows me well enough to bring comfort and the ones I thought did just put me off.
More tetris playing now. My asthma is kicking up and it calms me.Beat another level. Joy. I'm not doing it story mode til I can have Chris look and see if i just lost the file cause I am pretty messed up on pain meds. I could be over looking it.
I go back to the dentist next week for the first and what I had hoped last procedure in extractions/ My family Doc released me for the surgery to be done all at once but the tech at the Dentist said he most likely won't do it cause my whole bottom jaw would be numb then. I am like....SO? Like I will be able to do anything but look messed up for days beyond anyway. I mean really. Since the abscess popped, i have a hole that goes clean through the tooth to the gum, if you push on it you see bubbles from the air that passes through. This I found out while massaging the puss out to relieve pressure. I left pics here ....anyway.
I am thinking of just blogging in a few places. I dunno, I have so many cause I try to keep up with everyone but why? I do this for myself now more then anyone cause I have to empty my brain and i sure as hell don't have anyone i can call at this time of morning...or any other times of day anymore.
Not counting Lucky, Chris, Sis and Pierce, Liz is the only one who calls to check on me. There used to be other's but they have become undependable.It's hard enough for me to reach out but when I do and I am put off or I get a list of excuses why this was this or that was that I just started setting bricks back up around myself. I have warned them time and time again and things are better for a few days then nothing. What more can I do?
I sit here in my bed healing my legs and feet, playing my tetris and trying to chat in my guild OCC section when my pain meds don't have me woozy.
Did a 4 a.m. mail run because no one checked the mail today. Had a invite to our Cuz Mark's graduation...somehow my name is now Angela...wish I was informed of this matter...lol.
I have two graduations here in town to attend. Ben, Lucky's fella and Deebles, Liz's lil bro are both graduating. I hope the weather permits me to go.
I've been making milestones as of late. Been going out more and I even take and send pics of me to friends now. That alone was a big issue and I still feel queasy with it.
I have allot of memories rushing in on me at once. Both bad and good but for once it has nothing to do with what Ernie did except the fact that my youngest brother resembles my attacker enough that i can't bare to look at his photo.
Been thinking back on Cathy, the kids and that part of my life alot. How things were done and how Cathy manipulated everyone and every thing around her. Sis will be living in the house that I used to be pretty much held hostage in for weeks on end. If I hadn't liked the house and standing on the back porch looking at the trees and so on I think it would have made me alot worse then I am about it all. The smells in the morning and the cold air was all comforting to me because I'm a country girl and always have been.
I loved it there when Cathy wasn't there. It was the first place I ever played DOOM because it was on her PC. I have no idea how it got there because I doubt she'd have let the boys play it. We had fun when she was gone playing ball in the back yard or just laying around talking. Even doing homework with the boys was fun as well as cooking with Sis. Lucky was a lil one then and always making us lagh. What was nerve wracking was when Cathy offered to take me to the store or something and we ended up in Charlestown and my groceries went in her kitchen and my kid ran around in Sis's tshirts cause we never knew when we would be taken home. I was never thanked nor did I receive any pay but I was expected to keep house and keep the kids in order. This was while she laid downstairs on the couch eating tins of brownies and screaming for us if she required something. Or she would pick me up for a few hours so she could go into work instead it was so she could go home and sleep and i was expected to keep three growing hyper boys as well as Sis and my lil one all silent. Not easy.
All she ever did was criticize me, my Sis and talk about how terrible the rest of the family was. She was forever putting herself above everyone and I wa sick of being picked apart. One time we went camping and She forbid me to call my own father to come get my daughter and I because she was being a tyrant.
All this pain and anger is coming out now because I think it's been so bottled up. She stripped everything from me with my siblings when she took them, then adopted them forcing them to call her Mom and to hear my own Sis submit to it now just makes me sick.
She came swooping in when all was easy and took them away after I had to hunt them down and go into the pits of hell to get them away from my step dad and his family. I went without alot for those children and to save face with my grandmother she offered help then stabbed me in the back and took them because she had a bigger house, more money...but I had what they needed most...love.
For the longest time my Uncle and friend would have to sneak me around to even visit the kids because when they retaliated against her for taking them away from her she blamed me for it. Even my Gran was in on the whole top secret visits. After that she began dropping them by when she couldn't find a sitter. These times would be on the spur of the moment and with no food to cover them all if she brought any at all. But I made do and we had fun. When they went back to her they were resentful which always came back on me because at my house they were free to act as children and not made to slave in the house as she had them do.
I recall one summer she had beat my Sister with a bath back scrubber and Sis took off on her bike from Charlestown to my house in Jeffersonville and some how a police got involved and he brought my Sis to my door and told Cathy she had to leave my Sis at my house for the summer. I told Cathy if she ever laid a hand on my Sis again I'd make her regret it and as far as I know she never had again.
There is no end to the stunts she pulled. My brother Dustin, she put in a mental hospital on his birthday. Said she couldn't handle his outburst. Of course not. She'd beat him and wrestle him down, shake him, lock him up....I held, rocked and sang to him.
It again got to the point she never let me see them so I did what i needed to do for my own daughter and that is another story.
Right now I think I'm all written out.
I do have to say Sis has called all day to check up on me, Pierce as well, Liz came over to be with me and play Tetris, Mickey was here to love up on me and Chris and Lucky joined in when they got home from work and school.
I finally got to laughing....
Still feel weird inside but I guess it will take time....
Chris is feeling better...I think I am coming down with it,
Deebles is home from the hoospital! Keep your fingers crossed something can be worked out for his finals.
Oh....and I never did receive the call Beth....thanks allot. Way to be there.

More Soon Sis!

I have begun messing things up so I am going to stop blogging. I somehow lost alot of pics i deleted from my cam already. Sigh. But I can retake all but the roses cause they are dieing. I had fun doing what i did get done...done.

Love you

Sissy, Stoney...