Why I have been silent...besides my health

It's been a long time since I've written anything down in my online journals, a really long time. I've been trying to keep pretty busy in the reality real world and I've been pretty darn successful with it.
I've had my best bud fly in and stay a week with us. We had so much fun!Got tons of pics, showed him some sights, wined and dined him...minus the wine! I might post some pictures...if I find time.
I've started rping for two to three hours in the afternoons when Chris gets off work now. I feel good about doing it that way and less stressed then I used to be. I only play games on the comp at night now. That helps relax me to where when I used to rp I was anxious about this or that. There would always be some flare up I had to deal with and I didn't have fun. Doing it this way has brought the fun back.
I'm doing a lot more work in my animal projects. I worked the food ticket table at the Lobster Brat Fry and will be doing something at our upcoming Moon Walk Marathon. I also do mobiles when I can. That is where I go to a store where we (TWO LEFT PAWS) have a bunch of cats/dogs on view for adoption. I generally socialize them and talk to passers by. Chris and Pierce went to the Brat Fry and Chris will be helping with the Moon Walk...or dropping me off or something. He's also working out getting me to the mobiles. I'm happy to have that structured out. I get so much out of it and I also have all my charities, petitions and work I do in other Animal Rights areas.
I'm still seeing my shrink and he does me well. I use a lot that he tells me, mixed in what Chris and Pierce suggest and I can't tell a lie....my newest thing is to "Be the BATMAN." He has such self control. It helps with the panic attacks when I remember. Most of the time I have a lot of pain in my chest due to my tetzey's syndrome so it hurts tooo bad to breathe deep so it's a struggle.
I have found some new happiness. Seeing Pierce really helped with my abandonment issues feared he was going to be like everyone else, besides Chris. (I don't include my daughter or Sis in this) I really thought I had my place in the world and that I would be content in my animals, hobbies, and recovery....I was wrong.
I tried my best to push past this whole thing with my daughter, her money, and the whole spending of it. I mean seriously. I am so angry. I found this out yesterday when it took over and almost ruined my date with Chris. I haven't been angry like that in a long...long time. I was fuming, cursing to myself, storming around the house. I snapped at Chris and it took half the trip to Sheboygan and some Bowling for Soup to relax me...and a Xanex which I have been going days without.
Here's the story...
The kid was in a car accident with me years ago. (A friend was driving, we were hit by a drunk) and she got a nice settlement. I'm talking college, a car....and all was well. I was worried a bit that her friends might take advantage of her kindness but found that to be false. You can imagine my shock when it turned out to be someone I spent most of my time with that shifted and became her running buddy.
At first it was just trips to the store, shopping, the kid spending her new money and all that is normal. Spending money on a friend I can deal with, gas money, a lunch or two. A gift for helping out..ok BUT....when it got into the hundreds...then thousands....I lost it.
I kept my mouth shut save for discussing it with my shrink, and the few people closest to me because they too had concerns over this. I attempted to talk to my daughter who spoke to me privately about this as well. I tried my best to put it behind me.
Even when I was left sitting at home over and over having my descisions made for me like I was a invalid. All of a sudden, I who have gone to Appleton and on several other trips was squeezed out and told that "It was a long trip, didn't think you'd wanna be in the car that long...blah blah blah"
Seriously.....I mean really?....Seriously???
At first I battled with myself thinking it was jeliousy. I found out that wasn't it when something my daughter and I planned for years was done without me.
Not to mention that my friend dropped me like a rock.
I realized I was feeling pain at a deeper level. The pain grew to anger when I'd hear things that struck me wrong at a moral level. I felt sorrow for my daughter because she was in tears twice because she confessed she wasn't trying to steal my friend. I told her I wasn't upset with her at all because my friend made choices. I was however concerned about the cash she was throwing about.
It got to the point that I'd just not want to hear about what they were doing. It was so hard cause I had to be happy and interested for my kid and look at what she had bought and I do like to see her purchases. It's fun to see the joy on her face....
However, I can't get past the fact that my daughter is footing the bills for hotel rooms at 200 bucks a pop. That she bought tickets...then season passes for everyone that went. I can't handle that she is paying for all the food, handing out 100's of dollars for spending cash, and will be paying for more hotel fee's next week.
For her to have a good time she has to foot the bill for everyone else....her boyfriend excluded is a fucking shame.
Seriously....gifts, manicures, clothes, furniture, pedicures, wekend getaways, season passes, cash, gas money.....gods only knows what else. Have you no shame? When is enough ...enough? My kid has a kind heart and she is being taken advantage of....period.
Several times I have been ready to say something but I decided against it. I held it all in even when my shrink and Chris said to write in my blog for fear of the aftermath for my kid if anyone reads this. But then again, it is my blog and if someone gets hurt reading it then they chose to read it, or so I'm told. I have no chice now because it is affecting me now and my relationships and my fun time.
It all boiled to a head yesterday. But it started the night before.
She came home and they had gone to see Mamma Mia....a movie I was going to ask Chris to take me and Lucky to becaue it was such a "US" movie. I thought we could watch it when Chris and his brother were watching something else in another theater....
Another day I was left at home alone, another day they decided I wouldn't want to come.
I wrestled with that, I hadn't yet got to talk to chris about it. Nothing was set in stone. So goes life.
Then she was showing me her purchases, all was well....until she started acting funny. There was weirdness over the reciept thus letting me know she had yet again spent money on "Her" and more then just the pair of panties she said.
Then she was crying...talking about the not meaning to take my friend thing again.
I assured her I was over it. I know where I lay in the sceme of things where said friend is concerned. I've learned to deal with it...after the grimace on my face over the pics they took at the mall.
What my kid doesn't understand is the grimace was the Cha-ching sound I heard in my head and not the "I'm being replaced grimace"
I've had to due with cutting back on my activities and including Chris in my TWO LEFT PAWS events. We've worked out one Saturday a month that he will take me to the Plymouth mobile. (Saturday is usually Movie day with his brother, but will switch it for a Sunday for me) And the spa is totally cut out due to all he has on his plate. He does however get me out to a movie every week he can so I don't go stir crazy in this house.
And as for my girlfriend things...well, I have Pierce as my girlfriend and he fits the job well...even all the way from PA.
So....until I can look at my past running mate without hearing the cash register sound, we have a problem.
As much as I love my kid, she is too nice for her own good cause she feels guilty or bad if she doesn't dote on whose she's with. She can't handle guilt trips and I can't stress the point enough that.... that is her money....for her future...and yes, she has the right to spend it how she see's fit and handle the consiquinces there of....BUT...
Enough is enough.
She won't stop giving if your hands out.
She could have put a down payment on a house, or bought a car with what she's blown with you.
Enough said.
*Noted, this is being placed on a blog my daughter has no access to so she isn't left feeling guilty over what I've been feeling.*

What I'm up to...

www.fullmoonrace.com

Chris sent this.....it rings true.

http://www.wastedtalent.ca/index.php?view=230

I CAN BE BATMAN???

So, I stumbled across this link: http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/15/science-of-becoming.html and just knew my sister would love this... so I pasted the article below as well. (oh yeah, this is angel's sister posting for her).

Science of becoming Batman

Posted by David Pescovitz, July 15, 2008 12:24 PM permalink

E. Paul Zehr has a book coming out in October called Becoming Batman:

The Possibility of A Superhero, about the physical and mental training one would need to become a superhero without any supernatural powers. Zehr, a professor of kinesiology and neuroscience at the University of Victoria in British Columbia, is also a karate expert. Over at Scientific American, JR Minkel interviews Zehr about how one might train as the Dark Knight.

From SciAm:

What's most plausible about portrayals of Batman's skills? You could train somebody to be a tremendous athlete and to have a significant martial arts background, and also to use some of the gear that he has, which requires a lot of physical prowess. Most of what you see there is feasible to the extent that somebody could be trained to that extreme. We're seeing that kind of thing in less than a month in the Olympics. What's less realistic? A great example is in the movies where Batman is fighting multiple opponents and all of a sudden he's taking on 10 people. If you just estimate how fast somebody could punch and kick, and how many times you could hit one person in a second, you wind up with numbers like five or six. This doesn't mean you could fight four or five people. But it's also hard for four or five people to simultaneously attack somebody, because they get in each other's way. More realistic is a couple of attackers.

Hope you like it sis!
Dawnie