What might you ask is worse then torture? This itching I have on the wounds on the top of my feet. I swear I try to be good I really really do. I have trained myself not to scratch or pick when I'm awake. Every time I catch my hands gravitating towards my feet I make a conscious note to busy my hands with something else. It's no secret I have diabetes and the wounds started about two years ago as ulcers and they got really infected and covered the span of the top of my feet around my ankles and up my leg some. Now, all that is healed except for some dry patches. They get smaller then I end up itching and they get bigger, puffy and bloody. I have used everything the Doc has said to use, I've used Shea Butter (which has worked the best and took the constant pain and stinging out although I can only find it mixed with a lotion) and even in desperation, used baby oragel so I could make the itching stop. Nothing works and I fear this will never heal. I have bad circulation in my legs and they are prone to ulcers but I have been taking great care of them with going to the spa, exercising, and massaging them. I lay down several times a day to keep the tension down and I prop them up as well. I don't stay on my feet for long periods of time because they start tingling and turning purple. When I do have a small flare up and I catch places where there is pooling I do what I call my "Little surgeries" and I use a sterile lance from my blood sugar kit and drain the spot before it has a chance to do any damage. This has been working wonderful for me. I just need to get this DAMN ITCHING under control so I can heal because I tear the patches open scratching at them in my sleep. Bad enough where there is blood on my sheets. It's gotten to the point that it wakes me and I get up so I don't continue to scratch. Chris jokes of tieing me down in bed at night but then there is the whole gotta pee thing. The only place I can sleep without itching is in my chair and that isn't good for my legs. GRRR! I am tired, grumpy and this far from sawing my feet off!
Anyone with any ideas on what to do PLEASE lemme know! Thanks in advance.
In other news, Chris took me to the spa yesterday and it really helped me. I like to go at least once a week. I'd go more if I could. Not only do I relax then but I do water aerobics as well.
I emailed my Aunt Cathy who is my nemesis. She had been badgering my Sister for info on me and I just told her point blank, you wanna know about me, ask me.
Lucky is gone for the weekend again. She will be going to stay home for the next two no matter what she thinks. I am glad she turned in an application for weekend work at the Inn I go to for the spa. They are nice people and she can use a little cash.
We might not be moving now because we can't find what we are looking for right now. It would be ridiculous to move into another two bedroom so we may end up getting a storage unit for our surplus of belongings until we get a place we want. I still have a month to look though. New place means we get the pup we want sooner and being around Mickey then not so much made us kind of realize how much a pup would brighten our lives.
I might be coming out of my funk a bit. I dunno. I have my moments but the birds are chirping and it's hard to feel depressed when spring is here. I settled into knowing who my real friends are and how much I mean to them. My Sis is a key factor in that. Sometimes I have to be told I'm loved and missed. Sometimes it helps because at times still I don't like myself so much.
I cut my gum open pretty bad yesterday and it bled for half a hour. Was scary as hell. The kicker is I did it with a pringle. Yes...pringles are lethal to me at least.
Chris is going to take me to his Mom and Dad's so I can use the phone to call a dentist cause none of the gold diggers around here will take my insurance. We will have to go over a hour away. Sigh.
Well, Chris is up, my tummy is rumbling and I might as well go get some breakfast and watch TV until I pass out in my chair.
TTFN
Angel
~PS~ I will be lazy and copy/paste this in all my journals today.
Mistress Crow Darkstride
My Dark Queen
The Critter Crusader Strikes Agian
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The Thing To Do
Mom
I was sitting here this insane time of morn picking out a birthday card for my Mom. Not my real Mother but my step-mother who had been somewhat of a terror in my youth but I digress because time moves on, people change, grow up and mend. Well, that is what had happened but now I find myself on the outside of the glass looking in.She remembered to send an Easter card but her first grandchild (ie Lucky) got squat for her birthday.I get email from her once a month and it is always forwarded nonsense with no personal message. By a slim chance if there is a message she promises to call but the call never comes.As a response to her impersonal emails I ask her to call. When I had my cell I called her ALLOT. We had such a strong relationship. She was a friend. Now I'm confused by their silence and I sit her unable to choose a card because my heart is hardened. I feel numb so I chose an animal card. You can't choose wrong with animals.I send the card because it's the thing to do.
The Kid
She's pretty ok but her moth tends to get her tail in trouble here at home. She's into the habit of wanting to be gone every weekend and now with her friends driving it makes it harder to keep her at home. Not that I want to keep her caged but she has responsibilities here at home too. It seems any time I want or need her home she has to go because this friend has that problem or something to the effect and we'd look cruel not to let her support her friends. No matter how many times we tell her if her friends need a ride home to let us know before hand cause it's rude to expect us to stop whatever we are doing to run her friends home. But she goes away for the second weekend in a row or we cart someone home because it's the thing to do.
Friends
Save for a select few I tend to be the person keeping my relationships going. If I don't write, call, email, comment on blog (journal, comment box, pm, myspace) or Instant message (Msn, yahoo, Myspace IM) I don't hear from people on the slim chance I am contacted, it is because the have a crisis they want me to fix for them.I can't call several people because my cell is gone and I don't have long distance and I have made that clear.With free nights and weekends, you'd think people would use that time to touch base with me. I have two people that call me unsolicited every day at that. My Sister Dawnie and Pierce. I normally don't name names but that is a given. But I kept reaching out cause it's the thing to do.
Me
On all these things I said it was the thing to do...Not the RIGHT thing to do because I don't think it is. I feel myself growing further apart from the people in my life with every broken promise. I have too much respect for myself to beg for a phone call from anyone. (Parents included) I'm done trying to keep these relationships going. All I am doing is starting to resent you. I've done the right thing in talking to you about how I feel, I've expressed the hurt I've felt when I'm slighted by you. For a little while you improve then it's back to the same habits.
Who do you think you are to have me sit and wait for your call, letter, pm, email, instant message or whatever the case may be? I have gone out of my way for every one of you several times. Never have I lied to you or backed out on you, stood you up or anything. If I canceled any plans I have given you valid reason before hand. And if I've ever said anything you don't want to hear, I've said it because I care and I was looking out for your best interest.
I'm past the point of getting close to people. I have four people in my life I can trust and that is more then most. I am grateful for that and I think it makes me a happier person mentally. Everyone else will get out of me what they put into the relationship.
This I think is the thing to do because the right thing just kept me up at night, kept my tummy in knots, made me anxious, moody, paranoid, depressed among other things and I don't like that Angel.
I was sitting here this insane time of morn picking out a birthday card for my Mom. Not my real Mother but my step-mother who had been somewhat of a terror in my youth but I digress because time moves on, people change, grow up and mend. Well, that is what had happened but now I find myself on the outside of the glass looking in.She remembered to send an Easter card but her first grandchild (ie Lucky) got squat for her birthday.I get email from her once a month and it is always forwarded nonsense with no personal message. By a slim chance if there is a message she promises to call but the call never comes.As a response to her impersonal emails I ask her to call. When I had my cell I called her ALLOT. We had such a strong relationship. She was a friend. Now I'm confused by their silence and I sit her unable to choose a card because my heart is hardened. I feel numb so I chose an animal card. You can't choose wrong with animals.I send the card because it's the thing to do.
The Kid
She's pretty ok but her moth tends to get her tail in trouble here at home. She's into the habit of wanting to be gone every weekend and now with her friends driving it makes it harder to keep her at home. Not that I want to keep her caged but she has responsibilities here at home too. It seems any time I want or need her home she has to go because this friend has that problem or something to the effect and we'd look cruel not to let her support her friends. No matter how many times we tell her if her friends need a ride home to let us know before hand cause it's rude to expect us to stop whatever we are doing to run her friends home. But she goes away for the second weekend in a row or we cart someone home because it's the thing to do.
Friends
Save for a select few I tend to be the person keeping my relationships going. If I don't write, call, email, comment on blog (journal, comment box, pm, myspace) or Instant message (Msn, yahoo, Myspace IM) I don't hear from people on the slim chance I am contacted, it is because the have a crisis they want me to fix for them.I can't call several people because my cell is gone and I don't have long distance and I have made that clear.With free nights and weekends, you'd think people would use that time to touch base with me. I have two people that call me unsolicited every day at that. My Sister Dawnie and Pierce. I normally don't name names but that is a given. But I kept reaching out cause it's the thing to do.
Me
On all these things I said it was the thing to do...Not the RIGHT thing to do because I don't think it is. I feel myself growing further apart from the people in my life with every broken promise. I have too much respect for myself to beg for a phone call from anyone. (Parents included) I'm done trying to keep these relationships going. All I am doing is starting to resent you. I've done the right thing in talking to you about how I feel, I've expressed the hurt I've felt when I'm slighted by you. For a little while you improve then it's back to the same habits.
Who do you think you are to have me sit and wait for your call, letter, pm, email, instant message or whatever the case may be? I have gone out of my way for every one of you several times. Never have I lied to you or backed out on you, stood you up or anything. If I canceled any plans I have given you valid reason before hand. And if I've ever said anything you don't want to hear, I've said it because I care and I was looking out for your best interest.
I'm past the point of getting close to people. I have four people in my life I can trust and that is more then most. I am grateful for that and I think it makes me a happier person mentally. Everyone else will get out of me what they put into the relationship.
This I think is the thing to do because the right thing just kept me up at night, kept my tummy in knots, made me anxious, moody, paranoid, depressed among other things and I don't like that Angel.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Friends and Boundries
I would like to say I'm a pretty cool individual whose fair to everyone that comes into my house be it a friend, family member, pet or stranger.
I've even been tolerant to people I felt uncomfortable with out of respect for who they are with or for the betterment of the group.
I've seen several girlfriends come and go and several people walk in and out of our lives and things remain pretty calm and civil in our neck of the woods.
We have pay per view parties for every wrestling event from WWE (Smackdown, Raw,& ECW) to TNA and we run Vampires here as well.
All we ask of our guests is to bring sodas, be civil and have fun.
It doesn't take a smart cookie to know that when you get that many people together from the age range of 34 down to 17, there are going to be differences of opinions and beliefs. There will at some point be little squabbles that work themselves out without the need for a referee, no ones feelings get hurt and it all gets back to good.
But over the past few months I have got to say I have had enough and I am laying down some rules.
1 Leave your baggage at the door. If your pissed off at something that happened outside my door, leave it out there. Don't bring your attitude in my home. As your friend I will be more then happy to talk things out with you, give you a shoulder to lean or cry on but DON'T take your anger out on me. I won't stand for it nor will I keep my mouth shut about it to save peace. I'm too good to my friends to deserve that mess and I have my own issues to deal with.
2 If you have an issue with someone while your in my home don't lay your hands, feet, or any other body part on someone else or I will ask you to leave. We do not hit in my home nor will we stand for anyone else doing it either. This includes CHILDREN & ANIMALS as well.
3 If things get heated during a game or discussion and your ask to calm down then do it. Don't argue. Even I get excited and get a little loud and I'm told to relax. We are all here to have fun. Just drop it and move on.
4 When it all boils down to it, have respect for where your at and remember your a guest in my home and I AM THE QUEEN OF MY CASTLE.
I've even been tolerant to people I felt uncomfortable with out of respect for who they are with or for the betterment of the group.
I've seen several girlfriends come and go and several people walk in and out of our lives and things remain pretty calm and civil in our neck of the woods.
We have pay per view parties for every wrestling event from WWE (Smackdown, Raw,& ECW) to TNA and we run Vampires here as well.
All we ask of our guests is to bring sodas, be civil and have fun.
It doesn't take a smart cookie to know that when you get that many people together from the age range of 34 down to 17, there are going to be differences of opinions and beliefs. There will at some point be little squabbles that work themselves out without the need for a referee, no ones feelings get hurt and it all gets back to good.
But over the past few months I have got to say I have had enough and I am laying down some rules.
1 Leave your baggage at the door. If your pissed off at something that happened outside my door, leave it out there. Don't bring your attitude in my home. As your friend I will be more then happy to talk things out with you, give you a shoulder to lean or cry on but DON'T take your anger out on me. I won't stand for it nor will I keep my mouth shut about it to save peace. I'm too good to my friends to deserve that mess and I have my own issues to deal with.
2 If you have an issue with someone while your in my home don't lay your hands, feet, or any other body part on someone else or I will ask you to leave. We do not hit in my home nor will we stand for anyone else doing it either. This includes CHILDREN & ANIMALS as well.
3 If things get heated during a game or discussion and your ask to calm down then do it. Don't argue. Even I get excited and get a little loud and I'm told to relax. We are all here to have fun. Just drop it and move on.
4 When it all boils down to it, have respect for where your at and remember your a guest in my home and I AM THE QUEEN OF MY CASTLE.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Snow and Stuff
It snowed...on the 10th of April....WTF? As long as I can get where I need to go, (ie Spa and Doc) then I'm ok with it I guess. At least it's pretty to look at.
I'm pretty tired so this may be a bit scatter brained.
I broke two teeth last night.....yes two!Right next to each other. Damn corner of the beloved pizza roll! We are going to the folks this weekend so I can call a dentist cause I can't get one in town. I have to go over a hour away because every Dentist around here too greedy to take my insurance.
Lucky is pretty emotional these days be it friends, boyfriend, chores, school and so on.I just feel like it's a yoyo with her. I do my best but I really don't know what to say and if I do, I don't understand cause I'm her Mom or I'm wrong. But, every once in awhile, I say something right and she smiles and then I get a breath of fresh air until someone else pisses her off.
Besides Chris and Lucky I spend all my time alone. I don't know what had happened to my social life. If it wasn't for my Sis having the schedule she has I think I'd loose my mind sometimes. I also have my four furry lil babies I can cuddle and play with. I miss Mickey, I haven't seen him for nine days. I guess I got too used to him when he was here all the time.
Anyway. We are still looking at houses and or an apartment. We are aiming for a duplex so we can be close to Chris's brother Shrimp. If that doesn't work we want a four bedroom house for us all or a three bedroom apartment for Chris, Lucky and myself. I have one box packed.
My best friends parents hate me and they have never met me. They have made it extremely difficult for us to communicate by taking away the computer and the phone on the weekdays. Suffice to say it's due to it being a long distance friendship. I would be shocked but it's not the first time it's happened. I had another friend who came to visit and his parents didn't like me either they never met me and that was a grown man.
I might feel the same if it was Lucky but I doubt it, I tend to be more open minded. I'd at least get to know the person and talk to them like I did her Ex who she met on the comp.
There is so much negativity already...why create more and sling hate on people you don't know?
My parents forgot my daughter's birthday but remembered an easter card. When they remembered, no card came....she flung the easter card. Yeah, she was pretty let down and I was rather upset over it.
I have to schedule an appointment with my Doc soon. I need to be examined for the oxygen I am on to see if I still need it. I have been spending an hour in the spa a week without it but last week I had to get out fifteen minutes early cause I couldn't breathe. I don't know if it was over my health or if it was because I was ironing out some things with my friend and it was an emotional attack. We will see soon enough I guess.
My horoscope has been proving true....
We made our characters for Vampires saturday. I can't wait to play. My character is something I've never done before and it's gonna be fun.
The Hardy Boyz are once more the Worlds Tag Team Champs! I am so happy about that. I want to see them against my other team London and Kendrick. That will so kick ass!
Had a good night with Lucky on Easter. We watched shows and played Sonic most of the night and again today.
TV is making me wanna play poker.
The DVR needs my attention.
My leg is sore so I'm gonna rest it.
If any of you pray, pray for my Uncle Ivan. He is faced with the possibility of having his foot removed.
Blessed Be....
(If you read all my journals/Blogs, they will all read the same today, Thank you)
I'm pretty tired so this may be a bit scatter brained.
I broke two teeth last night.....yes two!Right next to each other. Damn corner of the beloved pizza roll! We are going to the folks this weekend so I can call a dentist cause I can't get one in town. I have to go over a hour away because every Dentist around here too greedy to take my insurance.
Lucky is pretty emotional these days be it friends, boyfriend, chores, school and so on.I just feel like it's a yoyo with her. I do my best but I really don't know what to say and if I do, I don't understand cause I'm her Mom or I'm wrong. But, every once in awhile, I say something right and she smiles and then I get a breath of fresh air until someone else pisses her off.
Besides Chris and Lucky I spend all my time alone. I don't know what had happened to my social life. If it wasn't for my Sis having the schedule she has I think I'd loose my mind sometimes. I also have my four furry lil babies I can cuddle and play with. I miss Mickey, I haven't seen him for nine days. I guess I got too used to him when he was here all the time.
Anyway. We are still looking at houses and or an apartment. We are aiming for a duplex so we can be close to Chris's brother Shrimp. If that doesn't work we want a four bedroom house for us all or a three bedroom apartment for Chris, Lucky and myself. I have one box packed.
My best friends parents hate me and they have never met me. They have made it extremely difficult for us to communicate by taking away the computer and the phone on the weekdays. Suffice to say it's due to it being a long distance friendship. I would be shocked but it's not the first time it's happened. I had another friend who came to visit and his parents didn't like me either they never met me and that was a grown man.
I might feel the same if it was Lucky but I doubt it, I tend to be more open minded. I'd at least get to know the person and talk to them like I did her Ex who she met on the comp.
There is so much negativity already...why create more and sling hate on people you don't know?
My parents forgot my daughter's birthday but remembered an easter card. When they remembered, no card came....she flung the easter card. Yeah, she was pretty let down and I was rather upset over it.
I have to schedule an appointment with my Doc soon. I need to be examined for the oxygen I am on to see if I still need it. I have been spending an hour in the spa a week without it but last week I had to get out fifteen minutes early cause I couldn't breathe. I don't know if it was over my health or if it was because I was ironing out some things with my friend and it was an emotional attack. We will see soon enough I guess.
My horoscope has been proving true....
We made our characters for Vampires saturday. I can't wait to play. My character is something I've never done before and it's gonna be fun.
The Hardy Boyz are once more the Worlds Tag Team Champs! I am so happy about that. I want to see them against my other team London and Kendrick. That will so kick ass!
Had a good night with Lucky on Easter. We watched shows and played Sonic most of the night and again today.
TV is making me wanna play poker.
The DVR needs my attention.
My leg is sore so I'm gonna rest it.
If any of you pray, pray for my Uncle Ivan. He is faced with the possibility of having his foot removed.
Blessed Be....
(If you read all my journals/Blogs, they will all read the same today, Thank you)
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Friends
When it comes down to the wire, who can you actually count on? I know I am not alone in thinking this because I sat with a someone dear to my heart today and we discussed this exactly. How many people do you know that actually are there for you through the good and the bad? Who picks up the phone and calls you just because? Who drops you an email just to make you giggle or answers yours even if it is to just say thanks or to write those three letters lol? Who comes by to visit and not just for special events or when something is needed? Who comments on your journals and not just when you write something perverted or some silly drama they can gossip about? Who could you actually call and confide in? Do you know who your friends are....and are you being a friend to those in your life? Are you putting as much into the relationship as your getting out of it?
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Wrestlemania Rocked
Been awhile, a few days mkay. I had a great wrestlemania, The Undertaker is still undefeated. Had a blast, played charades and talked about our Vampires game we are going to start in a few weeks. Every thing was going good for awhile. Something was lingering in the air and I wasn't the only one who felt it. I did my best to get the mood back to a light happy one but failed when I became a tad outspoken. Suffice to say no one got into a verbal spat but I fill weird a couple days after. Tomorrow will tell how it all ends up.
This year for wrestlemania I got The Darkness trade paperback, Splinter the rat action figure and a lung dragon stuffed animal. (Thank you Chris) Yes, wrestlemania is like a second Christmas here.
To sum up the next few days, I slept.....
Spent this eve rping w/ Sis and Pierce. Joy!
Been trying to clean my comp out but pb is running so slow.
ACK! Chris said snow is in the future.
*dies*
No, can't die, tomorrow is SPA DAY!
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