Where in the world is Angel?

Rotator Cuff bad! Physical Therapy NEEDED!

Sinus and lung infections, currently on MORE meds....

Legs on road to RECOVERY! Yayyyyyyy!

Nothing further. Following directions of my shrink.

KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID.

Happy holidays!

Angel

My LJ is different from this post!

I will be catching up on my pics and so on soon. Been ill.

Best Birthday....EVER

OMG!

I had the best birthday ....EVER!

Thanks to my daughter who threw together a awesome constume event!

Everyone who was present dressed up except for Snoop but he even said he's be known as NASCAR Security. LOL!

I have allot of pics and I will post them on the blogs that will let me do it straight from my computer. I don't feel like to upload them to a server cause my blood pressure is up. It was for the last three days. Bad enough the day of my party the nurses kept calling wanting me in the E.R. but I let them know I was just excited over the party and so on and promised a call when my party was over.

Anyway....I had two whole days i was smiles and nothing major went wrong. Chris was the first day. He was amazing. We spent all day and night together watching movies, shows, cuddling and well...(Insert naughty description here). He was just really funny and kept me laughing. We had such a great time! (Thank you Ponkey Muppy!)

The second day was my party. Lucky really out did her self. She got the cake, got friends over, got snacks, drinks, and so on. She had everyone dress up and even put together a costume contest where everyone won at least once!She knows Halloween is my favorite holiday, followed by christmas. (Thank you PussyKat)

I even got to do Lucky's make-up and will be doing it again for her for work on wednesday. She liked it that much! (As did everyone else)

I am still full of the warm and fuzzies. Oh yeah...Chris dressed up!!!!! That was really a treat for me cause i didn't see it coming! He rules! I will caption the pics so you guys know whose who for the ones that don't know.

Jokinly, perhaps my BP is up because I am watching nothing but scarry movies! been doing it for 13 days to halloween! Fun huh? (Well, I did cheat a lil cause I have to keep my DVR cleared so I watch what I record on there normally but I don't think that counts)

Oh...Gifts...I know you wanna know what I got!

Chris got me...

Got Murder? The Shocking Story of Wisconsin's Notorious Killers (That one is from his Bro Brian too)

You Can Run But You Can't Hide (By Duane Dog Chapman

HellBoy DVD
UnderWorld Dvd
Matchboxtwenty Exile On Mainstream Cd
Puddle of Mudd Famous Cd

He got take out from hong Kong island and the pens he got me I told you about.

Lucky got me...
300 DVD
Hannibal RisingDVD
and The Devils Rejects DVD (Unrated BABY!) Plus she took on the Party I discussed.

Liz, Randy,& Lil Mickey got me...
Three bags of sugar free candy. (Always thoughtful of my diabetes!) and a cute card.

My Neighbor Shawn, The Cheese Guy, to my surprise, got me...
A TY Baby Squarrel named Nuts
A TY Baby KolaBear named Mel
and a lizard sculpture. (He knows me well, for just meeting us!) He also gave me a awesome musical card and supplied tons of snacks, cookies, drinks and beer for the party. (No, I am not drinking but some of my friends have a few at my parties on PPV.) When Lucky and I went to show Shawn our costumes we actually scared him, he jumped, held his chest and everything.

Chris' Parents got me a 40$ Gift Card for Wally World and a Card!

Ben and his Mum (Lucky's Boyriend) Got me a Breat Cancer Awareness gel candle with real pink ribbons inside and a bracelet for the cause as well. That meant so much to me because Momma died of breast cancer.

I already posted about Tina and Snoops' roses and card I think as well as Lucky and Liz's Balloons.

Pierce sent me a awesome sexi card of a man and a pair of boxers...(Yes the pups!) A P.S. said the gift is still to come.

My Sissy got me Kaya the Cat!!! People on Gaia know what that is! I wanted it SO BAD! (Chris went all the way to Target to get the Gaia gold giftcard but they didn't have it so Sis had to buy the kitty straight off the market place!)

First time I talked to my Mom since the whole DNA test ordeal, She told me a card is in the mail and a gift to follow and she loved me.

I can't thank everyone enough for everything they have done over the course of my Birthday weekend! It helped me find my happy place again.

How can I not with all the Gore, Prezzies, Cards, Serial Killers, Monsters, Blood, Sex, Music, Vampires, Treats and LOVE!

LUCKY EVEN LEFT A MESSAGE FOR ELLEN TO CALL ME! I HOPE SHE DOES!

((Sis, SEE my Live Journal for Pics))

The What is it's

I got a card and a boquet of roses today from Snoop and his wife for my birthday. It was wholly un expected and appreciated.

New day same blog. I woke to a monkey puckering up in my face! A cute balloon from Lizzy wishing me well. I LOVE MONKEYZ! She also got me a book that I know I will like. I Vamp book! Sexy yeah!

Yet another day....Went to see Saw 4 with Liz. It was awesome. Not my fave of the four but good and bloody none the less. Got home to pretty balloons from Lucky. Three of them...one for Halloween, one for getting well, and one for HALLOWEEEEEEN! The cheese guy....who is know known as Shawn brought me two packs of COOOOKIES!! Wow....what a day followed up with my Chris wanting to give me some of my gifts for my Birthday. I wanted them oh so badly but was a good Angel and waited...except for the adorable light up Baby Eeor (sp?) and Tigger pens!

New Day...before 7 a.m. and I am hyper as hell. I am planning my costume for tomorrow. Lucky has turned my Birthday/PPV in to a Halloween party which I love! I know what I am going to be and I have all I need but I can't find the baby powder for an experiment. I wanna wake Liz or Chris to take me to walmart for make-up. Been so long since I have been this hyper. I am even giving out my Angel war cries that no one but me and my lil belly button living peeps know. Well, the lil man in my ear has learned the lingo too. He had to when the peeps in my belly button moved up to my ear for awhile but I digress.

Damn headache is wanting to settle in. I'm not medicated and I feel good so I am getting all I can out of this!

I had a Doc appointment Thursday. Lucky, Liz and I all had a nice sit in meal at taco Bell...wow, I went IN! We then went to the Doc. I have Exema. Anyway...we went to the costume store after. (I stayed in the car cause I was getting tired by then) followed by going home and trying on wigs. It was FUN! Friday i had my behavioral health nurse come and is proud that I made my goals but urges me to go out alone using the medical cab instead of Liz and Chris. Look, I have to be medicated to go out and have fun...how the hell will I be able to go out and do a Doc appointment on my own. I have to carry oxygen tanks, a purse with my medical needs plus the oxygen pump. My wheel chair that I push til I am too tired to walk. And then there is the panic attacks with the elevator, strangers, the general fear of being OUTSIDE! Anyway...my home nurse came to wrap my legs then Liz came and it was a lil hectic cause everything was going on too fast but I am stressing so on to happier thoughts.

My Sissy, I miss her and Pierce. I haven't gotten to talk to them much at all this week and I feel every time they are on the phone I am rushing off cause I have had so much to do or I have been tired for having to do so much or I am engaged with family time with Chris and Lucky. I know they will say don't worry, we understand, family comes first but you two are my family and I LOVE YOU!

I have however been sleeping more. Like maybe not as long but quality hours. I dunno. But I know I slept good. Been having insane dreams but not dark or scary ones from my past.

My pain level is just in my joints now. My right shoulder is killing me, then there is the headaches. I've been on and off with chest pains do to trying to catch a chest infection.

I miss my Guild and I am gonna try to be there on my birthday while Chris is gone for an errand and some today like right now!

Maybe cause just got up...and he said PAAAANNNNNCAAAAKES!

Oh yeah I am singing again and Liz took me to see the Elk, horsies, cows and bulls twice. HAIL TO THE SENIC ROUTE!

What The Fuck...

STOP MICROVAVING YOUR BABIES YOU FUCKING SICK FUCKS!


Dad microwaves baby, Wife blames the devil...WTF!

A woman blamed the devil, not her husband, for severely burning their baby daughter in a microwave, a Texas television station reported.

Eva Marie Mauldin said Satan compelled her 19-year-old husband, Joshua Royce Mauldin, to microwave their daughter earlier this month because the devil disapproved of Joshua's efforts to become a preacher.

"Satan saw my husband as a threat," Eva Mauldin told Houston television station KHOU-TV.

It was behind door 518 at a Galveston motel room where the unimaginable happened: A father put his two-month-old daughter in the microwave and turned it on. Mauldin first threw the baby on one of the beds in the hotel room. He then confessed to striking her in the groin, placing her in the hotel room safe, and then putting her in the refrigerator prior to placing her in the microwave oven.


Manager says man calmly called for help after microwaving baby Last Thursday, Joshua Mauldin, 19, was alone in the motel with his baby when he called for help.

“The father called down here, asked us to call 911, claimed that the child had a bad sunburn and was bleeding,” hotel manager James Marx said.

Marx said he didn’t seem distraught at all.

Mauldin later told police it wasn’t a sunburn, but that he had accidentally spilled boiling water on the child.

Then his story changed again.

Also online

Joshua Mauldin's MySpace page(Warning: Contains offensive material)
“The first time, he tripped,” Galveston Police Sgt. Annie Almendarev said Wednesday. “Then he said, no, he was drinking it and spilled it. There were just too many inconsistencies. He just couldn’t keep his stories straight.”

A tip then led investigators to the hotel room’s microwave, where they discovered the baby had been placed inside.

Mauldin then confessed, saying stress had driven him to burn his child.

“There was no expression. There was no expression at all. No remorse,” Almendarev said.


The baby girl was rushed to Shriners Hospital, where she’s undergone two skin graft surgeries and is in critical but stable condition.

She suffered severe burns to the left side of her face and left hand.

“I’ve been doing this for a lot of years and actually it brought tears to my eyes,” Galveston Police Sgt. Annie Almendarev said. “The baby is burned on the left side here and it’s just really bad. Her hand is so swollen – if you’ve ever touched something hot you know you get that big boil on your hand – it looks like she’s holding a ball in her little bitty hand. It was just heartbreaking.”

Investigators believe the child was in the microwave for ten to 20 seconds.

Behind this door, the unthinkable happened: Joshua Mauldin put his daughter in the microwave and turned it on.
“I’m sitting there looking at the pictures and I’m sitting there looking at him, and there’s nothing I could really do about it but just keep my composure,” Almendarez said.

Mauldin had checked into the hotel last week along with his baby, his wife and his mother.

Police said he came to Galveston from Arkansas in search of a job as a minister.

“He’s the worst scum of the earth. I can’t … It makes you want to have cameras in the rooms,” Marx said.

At the time of the incident, Mauldin’s wife and mother were reportedly picking up dinner at a nearby restaurant.

According to police reports, he told investigators God ordered him to go to Galveston.

Mauldin was being held in the Galveston County Jail facing felony charges of injury to a child. His bond was set at $250,000.

Prosecutors said, if convicted, he could face anywhere from five to 99 years in prison and a $10,000 fine.


Mother Microwaves Baby to Death
Nov 28th, 2006


DAYTON, Ohio - A mother was arrested on suspicion of murdering her newborn daughter by putting the baby in a microwave oven.

China Arnold, 26, was jailed Monday on a charge of aggravated murder, more than a year after she brought her dead month-old baby to a hospital.

“We have reason to believe, and we have some forensic evidence that is consistent with our belief, that a microwave oven was used in this death,” said Ken Betz, director of the Montgomery County coroner’s office.

He said the evidence included high-heat internal injuries and the absence of external burn marks on the baby, Paris Talley.

Arnold was arrested soon after the baby’s death in August 2005, then was released while authorities investigated further. Betz said the case was difficult because “there is not a lot of scientific research and data on the effect of microwaves on human beings.”

The death was ruled a homicide caused by hyperthermia, or high body temperature. The absence of external burns ruled out an open flame, scalding water or a heating pad as the cause, Betz said.

Arnold’s lawyer, Jon Paul Rion, said his client had nothing to do with her child’s death and was stunned when investigators told her that a microwave might have been involved.

“China, as a mother and a person, was horrified that such an act could occur,” Rion said.

The night before the baby was taken to the hospital, Arnold and the child’s father went out for a short time and left Paris with a baby sitter, Rion said. The mother didn’t sense anything out of the ordinary until the next morning, when the child was found unconscious, Rion said.

Arnold has three other children.

In 2000, a Virginia woman was sentenced to five years in prison for killing her month-old son in a microwave oven. Elizabeth Renee Otte claimed she had no memory of cramming her son in the microwave and turning on the appliance in 1999. Experts said that Otte suffered from epilepsy and that her seizures were followed by blackouts.

...

Getting a paternity test would be a waste of time and money...

That is what she said to me today...My Step Mother....

What the fuck?

I still haven't been able to fully absorb what all I have learned over the past week.

She said believe what you want but it doesn't change it. Do the math.

Wow.

It's been days since I started to write this, three days slept evades me, last night I got a bit of rest.

The nights are the worse because the house is quiet.

Lost

I feel lonely...not cuddled enough. Not that I am alone, I have Chris and Lucky around. Chris more then Lucky these days, but no Mickey. I was really looking forward to him but whatever.

I know Lucky is doing her thing and we haven't been as close as we were....I guess I am starting the whole empty nest thing.

Days have passed and I got another call from my Mother....wow.....that is all I can say at this point.

I am really past the point of knowing who I am anymore or what my purpose here is anymore.

One thing I know...the only thing I know is that I am Lucky's Mother.

That alone is set in stone.

Key elements in my life have been changed by a voice on the phone...in less then a month...

As if my health isn't enough to worry over...

My Step Mother tells me I was molested before I remember. I thought my step father was the first at age six. She told me it was age 2 to 4. So who was my first attacker?

I've had nightmares since she told me. I cry out in my sleep again...lash out in my sleep...again....I was past all that...once.

Now, I feel myself slipping down farther into a abyss. I'm not sure how to climb out .

Upon speaking to my Step Mother yesterday about a condition I was experiencing and how I believe I had seen it in my Father and inquired if it could be passed through genetics she blurts out my Father is not my real father.

...

I can't express what those words did to me.

I poured through my medical records. No where is my blood type written down. I am so sure I'm an O and she said I was a A and Daddy was a B and then she gives me this story about how I was born three months early and my Mom told my Dad I was a premie but the Doctor told my Dad I was full term. The math didn't add up because when I was supposed to be conceived my Father who was a military man was out in the field.

My step-mom says I am still his daughter and he still loves me like I was really his. Like that is supposed to make me feel better???

I demanded a DNA test. It is all I could think of. My only defense. I look like him...I have the chin...his smile....what? I was his brother's kid?

I never fit in...I knew that...because I was the child who was torn and living between two families. A really good one and a really fucked up family. One where everything was done just right, and another where I was abused sexually, physically and mentally.

And now, she was telling me the ONLY adult who I had any faith in wasn't my father.

I called my Doctor and he said I had to go through the county health department to get a Paternity test. So I have no way of figuring this mess out until my Father gets the ball rolling because I will be damned if I am paying for it.

I have the right to know...plain and simple.

I can't take this not knowing....

I want to eat all the brownies in the house. I want to fill this growing hole inside me. Kill this pain. Stop my thoughts.

Nothing helps when I can't feel Chris's arms around me...and that helps because when i start obsessing he changes the subject knowing me well and knowing he can lead me away from this gloom that has covered my heart.

But when I'm alone I can't stay busy enough and now I have no power to get a quick answer, I have to wait on them to call tonight if my step-mom even does. She forgets...and then I will have to wait for the tests that will be done at their leisure I am sure.

It matters to me...

I know the love won't change...but so many questions can be answered...things that were in the past and things that creep in my head every time I try to close my eyes and sleep won't come.


I feel I cling to unhappiness as if it is my lifes calling because if I'm happy, I feel I am just on the road back to misery.

Ranting

Eight year old pulls out a handgun on the school bus...what the fuck? Seriously....! So what if it remained in the holster. How does a kid get a 38 caliber ...mom's ex- boyfriend...and he just get's a misdemeanor for 1 count of child endangerment....and if it's mom's ex....what the fuck is the gun still doing in the house...and...holsters gun can fire people...it just takes four to eight pounds of pressure on the trigger. Sigh...LOCKBOXES....and one count of child endangerment?? There were children on the bus...hello!? I am just sick over this.

Mother's drowning kids...

Kids drowning while mom shops for shoes on the Internet...

Teens open fire on schools...

A cop open fires on a room full of teens at a party.

Husband shoots and kills his wifes teen ...student...lover.

Babies being sold...

Babies being left in garbage cans...

A woman offers to trade her four year old for a wedding dress...yes...a wedding dress.

Dad walks his blood covered three year old into day care ...the little girl is ok...but mom and siblings are all dead...daddy is holed up in a car with a gun to his head.

Bootcamp guards kicking a boy to death...on camera...

14 year old teen has a arsenal in his bedroom...

Klutzo Clown arrested for kiddie porn. Former Minister...and Cop!


Still, Anna Nichole Smith and Britney Spears twat shots get top billing on Headline Prime News....what the fuck?

Natural Lover

Angel, when you're head over heels, you are a Natural Lover


You have a willingness to explore and take risks, which makes you a real catch for people who want to get out and experience all life has to offer. Whether you're camping, mountain biking, or simply taking a walk on the beach, your ease in the outdoors is something to be admired. In relationships, you're one of those balanced people who is able to think both with your heart and your head. This trait will surely benefit you in any romance you embark on.

No Mercy

PPV Hell

There isn't a WWE Or TNA Pay Per view that Chris and I don't host. All we ask is that someone chips in and brings the sodas. This used to be such a source of joy for us. Now it's a form of stress for us because we have to deal with...

Whose gonna bring soda?
Where is everyone going to sit?
Will everyone get along?
Whose going to take who home?
Whose gonna walk Mickey?
Will anyone stay and help clean up?
Will Chris get to see or hear the whole show?

We love hanging out with our friends. We don't want to stop hosting the PPV's and we don't want people to stop coming. We would just like to see everyone be considerate of everyone else so we can have fun as a whole.

A long time coming

I've really been having a tough time these last few weeks with being ill. These last few days have been harder on me still...mentally.

Those who know me know the things I've gone through. The darkness in my past is there and I do my best to leave it there. I've done pretty well.

Well, my step mom called me the other day and gave me some news that messed me up pretty bad. Something that happened in my past that I'm still in a semi state of shock over. I don't know what to say and I don't feel the need to write it here.

I've been trying to put words to my thoughts and write this for days. I just feel like no matter what I do it isn't good enough.

Someone is always going to feel used, left out, pissed off, unsatisfied, scorned and so on. There will never be enough of me to go around and I just have to accept...I can't please everyone.

I have my own battles with my health. It takes so much to do everything I'm supposed to when I feel so drained. When one thing is fixed another thing breaks and the meds I have to take make me sick and stoned or both. I decided this time to do everything just the way the Doc says and not push myself, and let myself heal and I feel things falling apart.

I feel guilty for depending on people.
I feel bad for being a burden.
I wish I could do something to show how much the following people mean to me.But nothing would be worthy enough.

I've pretty much left my guild in my Sister's hands and she's done the best she can. She has never done anything like that before, never role played and she's being a real trooper. And it can be stressful. Chris has helped her when needed and she has been able to call me at any time. It's just the guild is so important to me, and I miss it but I have to do what I gotta do...right?

Liz takes me to all my appointments and helps out with my wounds. She's there to listen when I need an ear and she comes over three times a week to hang out. In that time we usually watch movies or talk and so on. She helps allot cause she knows a great deal about medical stuff and I usually have allot of questions about new meds or treatments and so on. I always have a blast when we are together but by the end of the afternoon I am wore out. She also brings Mickey over and I can't begin to tell you how much he helps me out.

Chris, wow...where can I start? He has gone above and beyond in several ways. He works, runs errands, helps be, father's Lucky, buries my pets when they pass on, makes sure I have lil ratties to love, walks Mickey when he is here, and he cooks for the two of us.There is nothing he won't do to make me smile. He also has the errands he runs for his parents, his friends and the time he spends with his brother. I love him so much and I know I can never repay him for all he's done for me physically and mentally. Even the hard times we go through are dim compared to the love I feel with him. I will be forever grateful for him.

Lucky is a force of her own. When it boils down to it, she is there. She's going through the whole teenager pulling away from Mom thing. She's working, going to school and has a steady boyfriend. She does chores around the house and worries about me too much. She helps with Mickey and the ratties and tries to understand what is going on in the minds of her friends.We get in stupid spats and I feel they are stress related. I feel when I am feeling better things will even out. I

Then there is Pierce who's been a rock for me. As fate would have it, we hardly get to talk or rp like we used to but he's made every effort to call me or drop me an email to see how I am. He's doing his best to get through school, play football, get his lisence and get ready for collage. He's even dropped me snail mail to make me happy.

I know all of you have been at the wrong end of my temper from time to time and I'm sorry. Using my pain as a reason, or my depression isn't an excuse. I know you don't deserve it and I know how fortunate I am to have you in my life. I know I can be hard to deal with as well and I love you for not walking out on me. Each one of you are unique and I've never met anyone remotely like you (Besides Lucky who reminds me of me...) and I am thankful for you...even when I'm moody...or if I'm quiet....or if I don't show it.

When I started this days ago, I was in a different place mentally then I am right now. I thought I was going to write about why life felt the need to pile more shit on my plate, but through taking a personal inventory of the people closest to me, I felt a different by the nights end.

Take Care Readers...

A few Days Late

Anyone who knows me knows I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks. Several things can trigger my attacks but, in knowing the triggers I can try to ward them off or lesson them by breathing deeply, thinking of something else or getting my mind and hands busy by writing a blog or playing a game. You know, whatever helps pass the time.

This is not one of those times.

I am freaking the fuck out and I will tell you why.

I went to my Doc on Friday I think. He does pretty much NOTHING but sends me to another Doc after he had my lab work done in which that was a fucking mess. I was fasting, went to labs, they said they didn't need me so I went up to Doc who then sent me back to labs saying yes...they did need me. I was in my wheelchair at this point because my sugar was so off I was dizzy so the twit who takes my blood tries to do it in the chair with no arm rest and she says and I quote. "Sorry, this is my first time." Glory fucking hallelujah I am this cunts first time! Instead of talking to me she talks at me and treats me like a invalid. She tells Liz to hold my arm up. I told her I was quite capable of doing that on my own. This Toerag can't find my veins and when she does she butchers my still bruised and sore arm. After my four vials of blood I'm let loose to go to the second Doc in the next town over.

On the way Liz stops at the Almighty Taco Bell (I LOVE YOU LIZ) and we have lunch in the parking lot under a shade tree. This was all good nice and sweet.

I wish I could continue my rant about the second Doc of the day but I can't cause Nurse Dorothy is a sweetheart and it had been three years since I saw her and Doc Merino and they are really cool. The worse news I got was I have and infection that is aggressive enough to warrant 480 anibiotic pills (On top of the slew of pills I already take daily) I take two every six hours. Joy. And...I'm back in una boots. Anyone wanna know what that means it's like a wet cast with horse wrap wrapped around it. I have to wear them til Thursday, change and do over until I see him again. They were kind enough to give me the supplies cause the shit costs an arm and a leg.

My Una boot past...I used them three years ago for the ulcers in my legs. Well, I don't get those anymore, now they are to keep my feet from swelling so they can heal better while the antibiotics are working and the zinc paste they are enpregnated with cools the burning sensation of the wounds on my feet. When I wore them in the past they were a pain in the ass because they wrapped the wet cast with ace bandages that never stayed up and the zinc paste soaked through leaving white residue on everything. Seriously, I had white footprints on the carpet. They were hot and they drove me insane as well as Chris and Lucky who kept stepping on the sharp little medle monster things that held the ace bandages together. They had to be re wrapped every morning and afternoon cause I would somehow fuck them up and they'd unravel so they drove Chris insane as well. (He was the unlucky one to have to wrap and re wrap them)

This time around the horse wrap is the way to go...until it got hot outside on the third day and my feet started sweating and itching and I began figiting and itching. (In my sleep...mostly) Anyway...

I went to two Docs on Friday and the second Doc, the good Doc makes me an appointment to see a dermatologist because my skin is like all itchy and flaky in patches. (My first Doc, whose my regular Doc should have done that, instead he ushered me over to the second Doc, the specialist...)

And if you aren't confused yet. I will try to tell you the whole reason for this blog.

I got a message from the good nurse Jenn to call so I did. I get this twit named Gale who gave me her version of my lab results. A monkey could have read my results better then she did. Bitch Please! She had me freaked out telling me one thing then another about the same damn thing and she mumbled over and over and said blood in urine and come in to see Doc again and she wasn't going to tell me results and wouldn't let me talk to Jenn or Doc. I called again....I got Cock blocked again! Same damn twit. I tried telling her Doc has never left me hanging about my results before and has never wanted me in so soon after an appointment. She still refused to let me talk to who I wanted or to take a message so I called Liz and I told Liz, she all but hung up on me then called back and said my Doc would be calling...and he did!

She went postal!

Thank you Liz, My Hero for the Day!

I have to go in because he didn't answer any of my questions last time or look over any of my concerns. He said he was so worried about my feet that he sent me to a specialist and that he wanted to see me again to address everything else I thought he dismissed the first time. (Well, he never said anything about coming back then so when we left his office to go to the specialist Friday we were confused and thinking he was a quack.)

Sigh...opposing doom lifted....for now.

I am wore out...peace dudes.

GRRRRR

IT IS FUCKING MONDAY!....


And I hate it already.

I woke up having to piss like a Russian racehorse. This should be a simple feat. Gotta go then get out of bed and go....NOT.

I had to get my C-PAP mask untangled from my hair then when I was free of that mess my oxygen tubing connector came off with the hose for my humidifying unit. Ok, fuck...I really gotta pee. A bit later I get everything straight then I can't fucking move. My body is racked with pain because I had stayed in one spot the whole night I slept. This always happens when I use my C-PAP machine but without it I don't sleep well at all. Ok, I do at last make it to the bathroom door. The toilet is a few feet away, I'm gonna make it....WHAT THE FUCK??? I'm BAMBI on ICE! I slip and slide all over the damn floor but manage to maintain my balance and make it to my destination accident free....and dry. Alas relief!

No......not for Angel...not to day...not on this FUCKING MONDAY!

I decide I might as well go get some hours off the nemesis DVR. I grab some Diet Dew and popcorn from Chris' outing to the movies with his Broman yesterday, turn the TV on and my back goes out. WHAT THE FUCK!I hobble to my chair, settle in and what to my weary eyes should appear?? NOT THE FUCKING REMOTE! I look for it for half an hour to no avail. My feet are hurting, cracking and bleeding at this point so damn it to hell, I am going back to my room.

I do what I call "treat my feet" where I clean them with cleanser, saline solution and put baby oil on them. I am in alot of pain today. I thought it would be healing sooner but I heal so damn slow.

I get to the brink of madness then here comes Optimus Prime to save me. Ok, I wish he could come, whisk me away and make it all better but I settle for the cartoon on Tv at 5 am. Why are they on so early???

My joints hurt and the car on the road sounded like it was wet out. Dew? Rain?

My finger is cracked and bleeding and someone moved the bandaids.

I'm going insane inside my head. So many things to do to get my Senior all ready for her last year in school. I have over 100 pics to select and crop for her senior pics...

Ok, my mind is occupied....these monkeys called Bonobo's are amazing. I just watched one build a fire and roast hot dogs. Aww they are so cute. DAMN IT THE SHOW IS OVER! ARGH!!!!!!

My toes are cold. I cut the toes out of these sox cause they hurt my wounds. cutting the toes out made it less tight around the top of my feet.

Chris and Lucky gets up soon. I wish Chris could stay home and hold me in bed all day. I just want to be babied, petted and pampered when it hurts.

We all still have our head colds.



On a lighter note...My Lizzy bought me a foot pedicure kit with mmm smelly smell good foot balm, a black puppy plushy I named MJ for Mickey Jr., and best of all my two new Ratties I named CM Punk Guerrero and Chritian Beniot. Yes, I have Pics. I was going to name them after Eddie and Chris since they passed onto the ring in the sky but Punk had white paws and pink fingers and Christain had a C on both side for Christian Cage so I named my boys after four wrestlers I really admire. Yes, I am a wrestling fan hardcore.



Alarm went off.

Lucky is in the shower, Chris is coughing his head off. I wish I could make him better.

I hope Lucky is in a good mood. We finally got to the nitty and the gritty about this issue that has been going on over the last few days and to get to the bottom of it, someone told her I might end up getting my legs amputated and my Daughter freaked out. I mean not Tom Cruise freak out like on Jerry Mcguire but it scared her bad enough to where she felt the needs to police my actions. After calming her fears I explained that I have been with Chris for so many years and he knows everything about my health and he is the one I use as my conscience. I listen to him and what he says about things concerning the important issues in my life. On top of that I lost my Mother to cancer when I was around Luck's age so I know the stress and fear of having a ill Mother...and I won't do anything to risk that....if I would have I'd have had a risky surgery to solve all my troubles. Enough said.

I am trying really hard to get caught up on gaia but it seems the more I do to get ahead the farther I fall behind so I've just been talking to everyone in the OOC room so you know my hearts with you!

It's storming....I love the rain...I love the lightning...the smell.....

I wish it could wash it all away.......

Have a good one Peeps.

Who Makes You The Moral Moniter

When are people going to learn to mind their fucking business?

Whose died and made you God?

What right have you got to point your finger at anyone else?

You don't like what you see? Turn your head!

You don't want to hear what is being said? Stop listening.

Who are you to tell someone how to raise their kids, where to go to church or how to live in general?

Take all this nit picking and turn it on yourselves and worry about your own lives....then when your the peach of perfection...maybe your worthy enough to help someone else other then try to control them.

Tampons to the rescue in Iraq !!

Tampons to the rescue in Iraq !! Don't worry, it's a good story, and worth reading. It's even humorous in parts. It's from the mother of a Marine in Iraq .

My son told me how wonderful the care packages we had sent them were and wanted me to tell everyone thank you. He said that one guy we'll call Marine X, got a girl care package and everyone was giving him a hard time. My son said, "Marine X got some really nice smelling lotion and everyone really likes it, so every time he goes to sleep they steal it from him." I told my son I was really sorry about the mistake, and if he wanted I would send Marine X another package. He told me not to worry about Marine X because every time I send something to him, Marine X thinks it's for him too.

He said when my husband and I sent the last care package, Marine X came over to his cot picked up the box, started fishing through it, and said, "What'd we get this time?"

My son said they had the most fun with Marine X's package. He said he wasn't sure who we were sending the pack to, but the panties were size 20, and he said one of the guys got on top of the Humvee and jumped off with the panties over his head and yelled, "Look at me, I'm an Airborne Ranger!!!!" One of the guys attached the panties to an antenna and it blew in the wind like a windsock. He said it entertained them for quite awhile. Then of course.......they had those tampons.
When he brought this up, my imagination just went running, but he continued. My son said they had to go on a mission and Marine X wanted the Chap-Stick and lotion for the trip. He grabbed a bunch of the items from his care package and got in the Humvee. As luck would have it he grabbed the tampons too, and my son said everyone was teasing him about "not forgetting his feminine hygiene products."

He said things went well for a while, then the convoy was ambushed and a Marine was shot. He said the wound was pretty clean, but it was deep. He said they were administering first aid but couldn't get the bleeding to slow down, and someone said, "Hey! Use Marine X's tampons!" My son said they put the tampon in the wound. At this point my son profoundly told Me, "Mom, did you know that tampons expand?" ("Well....yeah!")

They successfully slowed the bleeding until the guy got better medical attention. When they went to check on him later The surgeon told them, "You guys saved his life. If you hadn't stopped that bleeding he would have bled to death." My Son said, "Mom, the tampons sent by the Marine Moms by mistake saved a Marine's life."

At this point I asked him, "Well, what did you do with the rest of the tampons?"
He said, "Oh, we divided them up and we all have them in our flak jackets,
and I kept two for our first aid kit."

I am absolutely amazed by the ingenuity of our Marines. I can't believe that something that started out as a mistake then turned into a joke, ended up saving someone's life. My sister said she doesn't believe in mistakes. She believes God had a plan all along. She believes that "female care package" was sent to Marine X to save our Marine.

Either way, our efforts have boosted the morale of many Marines, provided much needed items for our troops, AND saved the life of a Marine! God bless every one of you for your efforts and hard work, and God bless our Marines, Army, Navy, Air Force and all our military service personnel.
GOD BLESS AMERICA AND KEEP IT SAFE!

HOLY TROPICAL SOUR ICEBREAKERS BATMAN

Here I sit with unkempt hair, a headache from hell and a grumbly tummy. I need a shower. The oven is heating up fro some yummy baked chicken. As for the headache...it's gone on for days again.

Oh joy, another one of those vagisil commercials are droning on in the background. I hate commercials which is one of the reasons we got a DVR. I'm in my bedroom though and awaiting Montel to return. Grandma loved Montel so I watch him...it makes me feel close to her and that feels good. She is right...he is a smart caring man. Today's show is about how our teens are sexually rampant and how our president Clinton has the whole world believing oral sex isn't sex.

I hear Mickey's collar jingling...I am keeping him tonight for mental health reasons. Lucky said she would walk him for me.

I've been in alot of pain with my feet lately. Cracking, bleeding, hard to walk. They burn alot and it is quite maddening and God and I have gotten in shouting matches over it.

Well, Lucky has come home baring gifts. The chicken was traded in for the pizza she brought to bake and she brought Ice cream, Caramel topping, fruit, gogart,doritoes,24 pack soda, CareBear snacks and my favorite...cappuccino a 24 oz. at that!. Yeah...Baby Girl got paid and still has money for the fair.

Gaia has this event going on, a balloon fight and it is taking up most of my time. That, the DVR and my new obsession Ultimate Alliance 2. Yes, Miss Angel is kicking ass and taking names with my team Angelz Avengerz. My team is made up of Elektra, Iron Man, Captain America and my beloved Deadpool. If you haven't played it....get it.

Been spending most my social time with Chris, My Sissy and Lucky.

Chris is doing well, been ill, beat up from work, but he is in good spirits so that is good.

Lucky is Lucky, moody...lol. She won me two lil animals at the fair. A pink pup and a froggy, I have yet to name them. School is starting soon. My lil baby is a senior. She and Ben are happy and as in love as ever.

Sis on the other hand has been put through the wringer. I won't write it here but...she needs an award for putting up with bullshit. She has her own blog and if she wants the world to know she will tell you.

I have to tell the world I LOVE ELLEN! I watch her ALL the time. SHE ROCKS AND I WANT A ELLEN HUG SO BAD!

oK i AM RAMBLING....ttfn!

Silly Song Day

BOWLING FOR SOUP LYRICS

"A Friendly Goodbye"

I can lay it on real thick
But I know how you don't like to get bogged down
With anything 'bout us
And our kick ass true love tale
Sorry I swore just then
Cause I know you hate it
And by the way that cake you baked me really sucked
But I ate it

[Chorus]
Cause I loved you
Even more that you could ever imagine
Here's a friendly goodbye
5,6,7
Ain't that a "b" with an itch
Ain't that a mother trucker
You can go to h-e-double hockey sticks
And f yourself
Cause I'm flippin' gosh darn sick
Of all the "s" words you put me through
So f-u
F-u

I can hang it out to dry
Cause I know how you like all your laundry neat
And not just thrown around
Like a chain saw in need of juggling
Sorry I flipped you off cause I know,
That you hate it
And that homemade porn I said that I erased
Well I saved it

[Chorus Repeat]

I'll send you a post card that says
I'm glad you're not here
I'll buy you a t-shirt
But I'll use it to wipe up the beer
That I spilled
While I was spilling my guts
To my friends about you
And I really don't have anything else nice to say

MONDAY????

Morning Everyone...

Things I need to do....that is what I should call this entry...

I need to get things done online like my guild, my blogs, myspace, emails...

Spend time with Lucky and Sis in the real world...then there is the DVR and the plumber coming this afternoon....

My head really hurts, I'm still sick.

Been raining forever. Feels like it did when I lived on the Ft. Lewis Army base in Tacoma Washington.

I like the rain so i guess that makes me lucky.

Ive been trying to be more forgiving and not let things get to me but it's getting pretty hard these days. There are just some things I can't take. Prickly people are getting on my last nerve.

Bah...Talk to you all later.

PS, I got everything done I set out to do. Yay me.

For The Sake of Being Funny

The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise," were my last words.

The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.

Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!

Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quit pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equaled 12 cuckoos!

The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised." He didn't even raise and eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!

After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."

A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

Shout Out For My Sis

I want to let the world know what a awesome Sister I have. She has two kids of her own, one whose just walking, the other whose about to go to school and a husband. Not to mention the new addition to the family by means of a lil pup.

She cares for the kids all day, does all the cooking, cleaning and running around pretty much that needs to be done, and has a cake business on the side.

To top all this off she works two double shifts a weekend so they don't have to deal with childcare.

What makes her so special? On top of all of the normal duties of a wife and mother, she has taken in our brother and his pregnant girlfriend (well, she was pregnant at the time, now she has had the little gentleman) and has gone above and beyond to help them up to and including..

Paying their bills, buying their personal needs, food, baby supplies, covering everything (including their cigarettes in a NON SMOKING HOME)to sum it up as well as putting wear and tear on her care taking them to the Doctor's as well as going to Ill to pick the girlfriend and the baby up when she was stranded there over some family drama.

Sis does this and moves to a bigger house (bought it) to make more room.

Not only has she given up her time, money, and yes, even the bed she slept in for my brother and his girlfriend, but she gave up so much of her self, her wisdom and was there when no one else was for them.

She did it out of love.

Now, I know that you often feel unappreciated. I know how you feel, Several times I put myself out there to help just to be hurt by it.

Your a wonderful person and I love you...and I thank you for those who look the other way.

Lies! I'm Not Learning, I just Let The Teen Take Over!

You Are a Learning Cook

You've got the makings of an excellent cook, and the desire to be one. But right now, you're just lacking the experience. You couldn't be a top chef yet, but you could be an apprentice.

Are You A Good Cook?

Here I am ....

American Cities That Best Fit You:

70% Seattle 65% Honolulu 60% Miami 55% Austin 55% Las Vegas

Which'>http://www.blogthings.com/whichamericancitiesbestfityouquiz/">Which American Cities Best Fit You?

O.O

Whoooooweeeeee I have been busy or just plain too hot to do anything these days. I will try to fill you all in on all the this and thats I've failed to share with my pals here.
The weather has been just plain HOT. Either hot and dry, hot and humid then there was the torture of cool and humid.
Humidity is my worse nightmare. I can't breathe for anything. I used inhalers, Nebulae, air conditioner and in the end I donned my CPAP mask and went to bed. It was cool just sticky you know. (Those with asthma do!)
My Sis has closed on the house she was buying from our frigid Aunt Cunt...who, might I add has pretty much fucked my Sis over on the deal nine ways to Sunday!(That is a whole other entry)
I've been hanging out with the kid allot. We switch off turns on the Internet and turns playing Fable which seems to be the new addiction of the house.
I was a hero for the first run through the game, now I am being EVIL!!
Well, I have loads to catch up on so I will write more later...perhaps!
Have a awesome day and remember....
"It's perfectly ok to be a happy individual!"

Tis I

(I roll C M Punk Style!)

Hello Fellow Bloggers...Anyone who knows me can tell you I'm quite the shutterbug. I love my digital camera Chris and Lucky got me for Mother's Day so much I use it every chance I get. My downfall is I never take the time to put them on the net. So, I am going to do my best to get them onto one of my many hosting sites by doing at least three files a night before bed. Now, getting them onto my blogs or other sites is another story.
Hey, I'm doing my best...
Morning all,
Didn't know I left did ya? Just one of the perks of doing this on notebook before I transfer to my many blogs, journals and so on.
It's cool this morn, got up, watched some shows on the DVR then retreated to my room for morning exercises. Turned on the TV, news on every channel I flip through telling me yup, life still sucks out there....fires, floods, missing Mom's and dead babies.
People wonder why I stay in here...it's safe...it's serene...most days.
Ah, Alan Jackson....he is soothing....
On to life.

The Offending GF.

Grrr.Here we go again, After the night before last, my daughter puts herself in a risky position around one of her friends psycho boyfriends, she does the same with an ex of her friends last night.
This gf of hers has been bad news since the beginning years ago when I found out that the girls mother left my daughter alone at their house in bum fucked Egypt with a bunch of other kids, the oldest might have been 14.
Drama strikes back when the kids Mother's boyfriend (ex?) shows up with a gun when my kid was there. Ok, that is bullshit. She was banned from ever going back there.
Then, her gf moves in with her father who is a stricter, family oriented man, remarried, and my kid starts going over there. Things were good for a bit then she forgot checking in, things really began to unravel when her gf got her license.
Now I feel we are back to where we started. She never remembers to call me when she gets to her gf's Dad's which last night, I had a feeling she really wasn't going there and I found out this morning she didn't. They ended up staying right behind us at that guys house.
At first she said she was at this girl house then the guys name slipped. She swears she didn't say the first name but I'm not even going to tough that one.
All I know is any time she goes with this girl, there is a hassle, and I end up all night awaiting a phone call that never comes, the gf of my daughter won't answer her cell or returns my call thus showing what I knew already, she has NO respect for me or the authority I have over my daughter or my health as she lets me get upset as I do.
To top it off, my daughter ends up with an attitude from hell the next day...enough said.
I nipped it in the bud...NO MORE GOING OUT WITH that gf.
I am sick of my daughter being an excuse for her to meet these guys and carry on with her drama. Further more, I have had my fill of her psycho bf's or X's as the case may be and the probable endangerment my daughter willingly puts herself in because she cares for this gf.
If she can get the car to run around all over town and stay at these guys houses, then she can use it to stay here where I know my kid isn't getting into trouble or put into any more potential dangerous position.
Enough said because ...
MOMMA HAS HAD ENOUGH!

I always have put myself on trial, come to think of it.

Daily Horoscope by Astrology.com
Tuesday July 17, 2007
Scorpio
Stop putting yourself on trial. Usually your best is more than enough. If something else needs to work in this particular situation, think of it as a learning experience, not a judgment. Figure out a fix, then move on.

Silly Faces

Ben's left laughing all night over his giggle box girlfriend.

She is a character!

A.J Styles has Chris in stitches.

Ben laughing over Lucky's antics.

Lucky snorts when she laughs!

Micky had to play too!

Catching up.

Another day begins as I sit in the grey hours of pre-dawn. I wasn't feeling well last night.I was so tired but couldn't sleep. As fate would have it all I wanted to do was sleep today.
I'm still ran down with next to nil in energy at points. I really hope that these meds for my thyroid kick in. I need to get new labs in three months.
We have the Road to victory PPV for TNA tonight. Oriental for dinner. I think the crowd will be light tonight. Liz is in the hospital :( and Jeremy hasn't confirmed. Don't know whose bringing Randy.
Tummy grumbles, lunch must be wrestled down soon.
Talked to my Mom this morning. She called in reference to an email I sent over their silence and our confusion over it. It was no doubt bothering me and really getting under Lucky's skin. We were under the impression they had cell phones. Well, they were turned in two years ago because where they lived received no service. Anyway, they are going to get the Internet phone like we want and then will call more. That lets some pressure off me I tell you.
I'm glad I took to writing my journal on the notepad because as I write this the Internet is cutting on and off.
My legs are running the gambit. As the weather changes so do they. I'm talking from the swelling to the dry skin and the ulcers that try to plague me. Falling asleep in my chair doesn't help because i don't recline in it, I use a foot rest. I know, I'm weird but I have anxiety over the weirdest shit.
Sis and Dusty call me allot. Dusty's bride to be is about to give birth any day now. Her contractions go from hours to minutes and she will be induced tomorrow if she doesn't have the baby by then. It's gonna be her first baby, I think Dusty's fourth.
Kevin calls at least once a month. He's moved twice since we have been speaking again.
John pulled up stakes, skipped town over child support and alimony I am told. I haven't talked to him in months. I had wished better out of him.
I still haven't spoken to Quintin whose moved back to Kentucky to be with his girlfriend.
Lucky is well and still with Ben. In love and giddy when he is around. In love and driving me insane when he isn't. She's staying out of trouble and that is what counts. Can't believe she is a senior. Chris and I are getting ready to have her senior pictures done. She's wanting to get them done professional...so be it. i wanted to take them outside and with my new digital but you know how it goes with teens.
Mickey is here for the weekend and he is adorable. There was no troubles and he's been a really good boy. I've taken several pics and I know I need to get my new pics online cause I have tons but when i have time it seems the net is down. Anyway...
Oh my Darkness! I love my game! It's awesome! Been playing a little by little but I am so enamored with it. The darklings talk to me and it's so funny.
ACK! This damn net is still down and I want to do stuff.....I suppose I should read..
Chris rules...he fixed my net.
Oh, WOW is taking over the world.
Pierce is on vacation.
Going to post this now...

Can't sleep

So I sit here playing tetris world on my Xbox at 3 twelve in the morning. I hear the tv in the living room and the humming of my oxygen machine who ever so often makes me think of Darth Vader. I really like him...perhaps he is where i first got my fetish for capes? Anyway. I've had so much running through my head disrupted only by the need to pee and Chris coughing. He's sick and there is nothing I can do except check to make sure he is tucked in and if he needs anything. What started the depressive stature I feel is my rat Dorry died. She was old, blind in one eye, had tumors and had a long happy life so i knew it was going to happen but I miss her as does her Sis Alley whose been looking or her all day. An occasional squeak from my Russian dwarf hamsters jolt my attention from my keyboard and back into my world here. I crack my knuckles, yawn, sigh then look at the computer screen. No one there that really knows me well enough to bring comfort and the ones I thought did just put me off.
More tetris playing now. My asthma is kicking up and it calms me.Beat another level. Joy. I'm not doing it story mode til I can have Chris look and see if i just lost the file cause I am pretty messed up on pain meds. I could be over looking it.
I go back to the dentist next week for the first and what I had hoped last procedure in extractions/ My family Doc released me for the surgery to be done all at once but the tech at the Dentist said he most likely won't do it cause my whole bottom jaw would be numb then. I am like....SO? Like I will be able to do anything but look messed up for days beyond anyway. I mean really. Since the abscess popped, i have a hole that goes clean through the tooth to the gum, if you push on it you see bubbles from the air that passes through. This I found out while massaging the puss out to relieve pressure. I left pics here ....anyway.
I am thinking of just blogging in a few places. I dunno, I have so many cause I try to keep up with everyone but why? I do this for myself now more then anyone cause I have to empty my brain and i sure as hell don't have anyone i can call at this time of morning...or any other times of day anymore.
Not counting Lucky, Chris, Sis and Pierce, Liz is the only one who calls to check on me. There used to be other's but they have become undependable.It's hard enough for me to reach out but when I do and I am put off or I get a list of excuses why this was this or that was that I just started setting bricks back up around myself. I have warned them time and time again and things are better for a few days then nothing. What more can I do?
I sit here in my bed healing my legs and feet, playing my tetris and trying to chat in my guild OCC section when my pain meds don't have me woozy.
Did a 4 a.m. mail run because no one checked the mail today. Had a invite to our Cuz Mark's graduation...somehow my name is now Angela...wish I was informed of this matter...lol.
I have two graduations here in town to attend. Ben, Lucky's fella and Deebles, Liz's lil bro are both graduating. I hope the weather permits me to go.
I've been making milestones as of late. Been going out more and I even take and send pics of me to friends now. That alone was a big issue and I still feel queasy with it.
I have allot of memories rushing in on me at once. Both bad and good but for once it has nothing to do with what Ernie did except the fact that my youngest brother resembles my attacker enough that i can't bare to look at his photo.
Been thinking back on Cathy, the kids and that part of my life alot. How things were done and how Cathy manipulated everyone and every thing around her. Sis will be living in the house that I used to be pretty much held hostage in for weeks on end. If I hadn't liked the house and standing on the back porch looking at the trees and so on I think it would have made me alot worse then I am about it all. The smells in the morning and the cold air was all comforting to me because I'm a country girl and always have been.
I loved it there when Cathy wasn't there. It was the first place I ever played DOOM because it was on her PC. I have no idea how it got there because I doubt she'd have let the boys play it. We had fun when she was gone playing ball in the back yard or just laying around talking. Even doing homework with the boys was fun as well as cooking with Sis. Lucky was a lil one then and always making us lagh. What was nerve wracking was when Cathy offered to take me to the store or something and we ended up in Charlestown and my groceries went in her kitchen and my kid ran around in Sis's tshirts cause we never knew when we would be taken home. I was never thanked nor did I receive any pay but I was expected to keep house and keep the kids in order. This was while she laid downstairs on the couch eating tins of brownies and screaming for us if she required something. Or she would pick me up for a few hours so she could go into work instead it was so she could go home and sleep and i was expected to keep three growing hyper boys as well as Sis and my lil one all silent. Not easy.
All she ever did was criticize me, my Sis and talk about how terrible the rest of the family was. She was forever putting herself above everyone and I wa sick of being picked apart. One time we went camping and She forbid me to call my own father to come get my daughter and I because she was being a tyrant.
All this pain and anger is coming out now because I think it's been so bottled up. She stripped everything from me with my siblings when she took them, then adopted them forcing them to call her Mom and to hear my own Sis submit to it now just makes me sick.
She came swooping in when all was easy and took them away after I had to hunt them down and go into the pits of hell to get them away from my step dad and his family. I went without alot for those children and to save face with my grandmother she offered help then stabbed me in the back and took them because she had a bigger house, more money...but I had what they needed most...love.
For the longest time my Uncle and friend would have to sneak me around to even visit the kids because when they retaliated against her for taking them away from her she blamed me for it. Even my Gran was in on the whole top secret visits. After that she began dropping them by when she couldn't find a sitter. These times would be on the spur of the moment and with no food to cover them all if she brought any at all. But I made do and we had fun. When they went back to her they were resentful which always came back on me because at my house they were free to act as children and not made to slave in the house as she had them do.
I recall one summer she had beat my Sister with a bath back scrubber and Sis took off on her bike from Charlestown to my house in Jeffersonville and some how a police got involved and he brought my Sis to my door and told Cathy she had to leave my Sis at my house for the summer. I told Cathy if she ever laid a hand on my Sis again I'd make her regret it and as far as I know she never had again.
There is no end to the stunts she pulled. My brother Dustin, she put in a mental hospital on his birthday. Said she couldn't handle his outburst. Of course not. She'd beat him and wrestle him down, shake him, lock him up....I held, rocked and sang to him.
It again got to the point she never let me see them so I did what i needed to do for my own daughter and that is another story.
Right now I think I'm all written out.
I do have to say Sis has called all day to check up on me, Pierce as well, Liz came over to be with me and play Tetris, Mickey was here to love up on me and Chris and Lucky joined in when they got home from work and school.
I finally got to laughing....
Still feel weird inside but I guess it will take time....
Chris is feeling better...I think I am coming down with it,
Deebles is home from the hoospital! Keep your fingers crossed something can be worked out for his finals.
Oh....and I never did receive the call Beth....thanks allot. Way to be there.

More Soon Sis!

I have begun messing things up so I am going to stop blogging. I somehow lost alot of pics i deleted from my cam already. Sigh. But I can retake all but the roses cause they are dieing. I had fun doing what i did get done...done.

Love you

Sissy, Stoney...

Ack, Tooth Pain!

I have been trying to get a dentist to accept my insurience for years. I've dealt with alot of pain, swelling, puss, and so on. What you see here is a large grape sized puss pocket and the yellow, gold shiny spot in the back is a tooth that had the last infection like the one you see now. I had been dealing with cracking teeth and sores from my tounge getting cut forever it seemed. Anyway back to the pics....later that night I yawned and...there was a pop....

Yes, I know, it's bloody and gory and gross. Here you can see puss both yellow and a brackish brown as well as a pool of blood. That hurt like hell! This happened the day I got home from the dentist who was over a hour car ride away. There are 6 to 8 teeth that have to go......and I have to say as scared of dentists as I am, I can't wait to go. He sent me home with an antibiotic and vikadin which I have had refilled once already....owie no fun. Now, I'm a TETRIS Zombie.

Pirates....

I can't tell you how much I adored this movie. Not only is Capn' Jack Sparrow a sizzle in my ...well...we won't go there but I had fun all around while partaking of this flick!

Lucky and I dressed as Pirates before the show in our glorious laveratory.

Angel's Capn' Jack's Eyes.....Savy!

Land Lass or Pirate Princess?

Never trust a pirate he says...I love mine!

(Hate this pic, face shiny, swollen from teeth that need to be extracted, Gah!)

These Days

It's been a long time for me to be silent. At least it feels that way to me. I feel so bottled up inside yet I don't know where to start. I've been dealing with allot. Better to list them I guess.
Pain.
My feet and legs are hurting mostly due to swelling in my legs and cracking and bleeding on the top of my feet.
My teeth, I had one crack and splinter into my gums which i harvested with tweezers and another hurts so bad I can't close my mouth. Dentist is Wednesday...THANK GOD.
My digestive track has been pretty crazy, I won't explain, you'll thank me but I don't know if it's sickness or nerves...I think both?
My asthma has been pretty whacky. Had to use my nebulizer twice. It's bothered me enough that it's cutting my spa time down.
I've been using my cpap machine but I'm really not sleeping unless I'm really worn out and I take my morning or evening meds.
I've found myself short fused without my Xanex. I put so much into trying to manage pain that I snap at Lucky, and yes even Chris and Pierce. So I end up taking my Xans and it takes the edge off.
I've had allot of emotions running through me. Been doing my best to deal.
I'm having issues with trust as well. Letting people in is getting hard for me. I've let so many go lately that being alone is norm.
I'm dealing with guilt over not being there for my guild and the few people who do talk to me on a daily basis. I want to be there more but some days I can't even get on the comp. Something always gets in the way. I feel my Sis is my Ambassador some days. As long as she is there I know it hasn't been abandoned.
All I can think of All blogs will say the same.

Prom, Fucked up Friends and Spidey 3

Prom
Been busy getting Lucky ready for her prom, meaning shelling out cash for hair and nails but what the hell. I am so excited for her. She shall be going with Ben, how cute. I will post pics as soon as I can. I don't know what Ben's Mom has plans but she asked if Lucky liked butterflies. I told the Kids to be home by 2a.m because of the after party. If she is 5 hours late like she was when she got her nails done I am skinning her.
Fucked up friends
Don't tell me your gonna call and not do so. Don't treat me different now that you have someone special in your life.I don't do fairweather friends. I don't tolerate ones that only call on me when they are bored or depressed or in trouble either. I'd rather be left the fuck alone.
Spidey 3
Oh my Gawd! I can't tell you how fucking awesome this movie is! I want to see it again! I won't spoil anything but I will say they moved everything along nicely.

Worse then Torture

What might you ask is worse then torture? This itching I have on the wounds on the top of my feet. I swear I try to be good I really really do. I have trained myself not to scratch or pick when I'm awake. Every time I catch my hands gravitating towards my feet I make a conscious note to busy my hands with something else. It's no secret I have diabetes and the wounds started about two years ago as ulcers and they got really infected and covered the span of the top of my feet around my ankles and up my leg some. Now, all that is healed except for some dry patches. They get smaller then I end up itching and they get bigger, puffy and bloody. I have used everything the Doc has said to use, I've used Shea Butter (which has worked the best and took the constant pain and stinging out although I can only find it mixed with a lotion) and even in desperation, used baby oragel so I could make the itching stop. Nothing works and I fear this will never heal. I have bad circulation in my legs and they are prone to ulcers but I have been taking great care of them with going to the spa, exercising, and massaging them. I lay down several times a day to keep the tension down and I prop them up as well. I don't stay on my feet for long periods of time because they start tingling and turning purple. When I do have a small flare up and I catch places where there is pooling I do what I call my "Little surgeries" and I use a sterile lance from my blood sugar kit and drain the spot before it has a chance to do any damage. This has been working wonderful for me. I just need to get this DAMN ITCHING under control so I can heal because I tear the patches open scratching at them in my sleep. Bad enough where there is blood on my sheets. It's gotten to the point that it wakes me and I get up so I don't continue to scratch. Chris jokes of tieing me down in bed at night but then there is the whole gotta pee thing. The only place I can sleep without itching is in my chair and that isn't good for my legs. GRRR! I am tired, grumpy and this far from sawing my feet off!

Anyone with any ideas on what to do PLEASE lemme know! Thanks in advance.

In other news, Chris took me to the spa yesterday and it really helped me. I like to go at least once a week. I'd go more if I could. Not only do I relax then but I do water aerobics as well.

I emailed my Aunt Cathy who is my nemesis. She had been badgering my Sister for info on me and I just told her point blank, you wanna know about me, ask me.

Lucky is gone for the weekend again. She will be going to stay home for the next two no matter what she thinks. I am glad she turned in an application for weekend work at the Inn I go to for the spa. They are nice people and she can use a little cash.

We might not be moving now because we can't find what we are looking for right now. It would be ridiculous to move into another two bedroom so we may end up getting a storage unit for our surplus of belongings until we get a place we want. I still have a month to look though. New place means we get the pup we want sooner and being around Mickey then not so much made us kind of realize how much a pup would brighten our lives.

I might be coming out of my funk a bit. I dunno. I have my moments but the birds are chirping and it's hard to feel depressed when spring is here. I settled into knowing who my real friends are and how much I mean to them. My Sis is a key factor in that. Sometimes I have to be told I'm loved and missed. Sometimes it helps because at times still I don't like myself so much.

I cut my gum open pretty bad yesterday and it bled for half a hour. Was scary as hell. The kicker is I did it with a pringle. Yes...pringles are lethal to me at least.

Chris is going to take me to his Mom and Dad's so I can use the phone to call a dentist cause none of the gold diggers around here will take my insurance. We will have to go over a hour away. Sigh.

Well, Chris is up, my tummy is rumbling and I might as well go get some breakfast and watch TV until I pass out in my chair.

TTFN
Angel

~PS~ I will be lazy and copy/paste this in all my journals today.

What Your Favorite Color Pink Says About You:

Blissful --- Content --- RomanticIdealistic --- Expressive --- ArtisticFunny --- Quirky --- Individualistic

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourfavoritecolorsayaboutyouquiz/">What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

The Thing To Do

Mom

I was sitting here this insane time of morn picking out a birthday card for my Mom. Not my real Mother but my step-mother who had been somewhat of a terror in my youth but I digress because time moves on, people change, grow up and mend. Well, that is what had happened but now I find myself on the outside of the glass looking in.She remembered to send an Easter card but her first grandchild (ie Lucky) got squat for her birthday.I get email from her once a month and it is always forwarded nonsense with no personal message. By a slim chance if there is a message she promises to call but the call never comes.As a response to her impersonal emails I ask her to call. When I had my cell I called her ALLOT. We had such a strong relationship. She was a friend. Now I'm confused by their silence and I sit her unable to choose a card because my heart is hardened. I feel numb so I chose an animal card. You can't choose wrong with animals.I send the card because it's the thing to do.

The Kid

She's pretty ok but her moth tends to get her tail in trouble here at home. She's into the habit of wanting to be gone every weekend and now with her friends driving it makes it harder to keep her at home. Not that I want to keep her caged but she has responsibilities here at home too. It seems any time I want or need her home she has to go because this friend has that problem or something to the effect and we'd look cruel not to let her support her friends. No matter how many times we tell her if her friends need a ride home to let us know before hand cause it's rude to expect us to stop whatever we are doing to run her friends home. But she goes away for the second weekend in a row or we cart someone home because it's the thing to do.

Friends

Save for a select few I tend to be the person keeping my relationships going. If I don't write, call, email, comment on blog (journal, comment box, pm, myspace) or Instant message (Msn, yahoo, Myspace IM) I don't hear from people on the slim chance I am contacted, it is because the have a crisis they want me to fix for them.I can't call several people because my cell is gone and I don't have long distance and I have made that clear.With free nights and weekends, you'd think people would use that time to touch base with me. I have two people that call me unsolicited every day at that. My Sister Dawnie and Pierce. I normally don't name names but that is a given. But I kept reaching out cause it's the thing to do.

Me

On all these things I said it was the thing to do...Not the RIGHT thing to do because I don't think it is. I feel myself growing further apart from the people in my life with every broken promise. I have too much respect for myself to beg for a phone call from anyone. (Parents included) I'm done trying to keep these relationships going. All I am doing is starting to resent you. I've done the right thing in talking to you about how I feel, I've expressed the hurt I've felt when I'm slighted by you. For a little while you improve then it's back to the same habits.

Who do you think you are to have me sit and wait for your call, letter, pm, email, instant message or whatever the case may be? I have gone out of my way for every one of you several times. Never have I lied to you or backed out on you, stood you up or anything. If I canceled any plans I have given you valid reason before hand. And if I've ever said anything you don't want to hear, I've said it because I care and I was looking out for your best interest.

I'm past the point of getting close to people. I have four people in my life I can trust and that is more then most. I am grateful for that and I think it makes me a happier person mentally. Everyone else will get out of me what they put into the relationship.

This I think is the thing to do because the right thing just kept me up at night, kept my tummy in knots, made me anxious, moody, paranoid, depressed among other things and I don't like that Angel.

Friends and Boundries

I would like to say I'm a pretty cool individual whose fair to everyone that comes into my house be it a friend, family member, pet or stranger.
I've even been tolerant to people I felt uncomfortable with out of respect for who they are with or for the betterment of the group.
I've seen several girlfriends come and go and several people walk in and out of our lives and things remain pretty calm and civil in our neck of the woods.
We have pay per view parties for every wrestling event from WWE (Smackdown, Raw,& ECW) to TNA and we run Vampires here as well.
All we ask of our guests is to bring sodas, be civil and have fun.
It doesn't take a smart cookie to know that when you get that many people together from the age range of 34 down to 17, there are going to be differences of opinions and beliefs. There will at some point be little squabbles that work themselves out without the need for a referee, no ones feelings get hurt and it all gets back to good.
But over the past few months I have got to say I have had enough and I am laying down some rules.
1 Leave your baggage at the door. If your pissed off at something that happened outside my door, leave it out there. Don't bring your attitude in my home. As your friend I will be more then happy to talk things out with you, give you a shoulder to lean or cry on but DON'T take your anger out on me. I won't stand for it nor will I keep my mouth shut about it to save peace. I'm too good to my friends to deserve that mess and I have my own issues to deal with.
2 If you have an issue with someone while your in my home don't lay your hands, feet, or any other body part on someone else or I will ask you to leave. We do not hit in my home nor will we stand for anyone else doing it either. This includes CHILDREN & ANIMALS as well.
3 If things get heated during a game or discussion and your ask to calm down then do it. Don't argue. Even I get excited and get a little loud and I'm told to relax. We are all here to have fun. Just drop it and move on.
4 When it all boils down to it, have respect for where your at and remember your a guest in my home and I AM THE QUEEN OF MY CASTLE.

Snow and Stuff

It snowed...on the 10th of April....WTF? As long as I can get where I need to go, (ie Spa and Doc) then I'm ok with it I guess. At least it's pretty to look at.
I'm pretty tired so this may be a bit scatter brained.
I broke two teeth last night.....yes two!Right next to each other. Damn corner of the beloved pizza roll! We are going to the folks this weekend so I can call a dentist cause I can't get one in town. I have to go over a hour away because every Dentist around here too greedy to take my insurance.
Lucky is pretty emotional these days be it friends, boyfriend, chores, school and so on.I just feel like it's a yoyo with her. I do my best but I really don't know what to say and if I do, I don't understand cause I'm her Mom or I'm wrong. But, every once in awhile, I say something right and she smiles and then I get a breath of fresh air until someone else pisses her off.
Besides Chris and Lucky I spend all my time alone. I don't know what had happened to my social life. If it wasn't for my Sis having the schedule she has I think I'd loose my mind sometimes. I also have my four furry lil babies I can cuddle and play with. I miss Mickey, I haven't seen him for nine days. I guess I got too used to him when he was here all the time.
Anyway. We are still looking at houses and or an apartment. We are aiming for a duplex so we can be close to Chris's brother Shrimp. If that doesn't work we want a four bedroom house for us all or a three bedroom apartment for Chris, Lucky and myself. I have one box packed.
My best friends parents hate me and they have never met me. They have made it extremely difficult for us to communicate by taking away the computer and the phone on the weekdays. Suffice to say it's due to it being a long distance friendship. I would be shocked but it's not the first time it's happened. I had another friend who came to visit and his parents didn't like me either they never met me and that was a grown man.
I might feel the same if it was Lucky but I doubt it, I tend to be more open minded. I'd at least get to know the person and talk to them like I did her Ex who she met on the comp.
There is so much negativity already...why create more and sling hate on people you don't know?
My parents forgot my daughter's birthday but remembered an easter card. When they remembered, no card came....she flung the easter card. Yeah, she was pretty let down and I was rather upset over it.
I have to schedule an appointment with my Doc soon. I need to be examined for the oxygen I am on to see if I still need it. I have been spending an hour in the spa a week without it but last week I had to get out fifteen minutes early cause I couldn't breathe. I don't know if it was over my health or if it was because I was ironing out some things with my friend and it was an emotional attack. We will see soon enough I guess.
My horoscope has been proving true....
We made our characters for Vampires saturday. I can't wait to play. My character is something I've never done before and it's gonna be fun.
The Hardy Boyz are once more the Worlds Tag Team Champs! I am so happy about that. I want to see them against my other team London and Kendrick. That will so kick ass!
Had a good night with Lucky on Easter. We watched shows and played Sonic most of the night and again today.
TV is making me wanna play poker.
The DVR needs my attention.
My leg is sore so I'm gonna rest it.
If any of you pray, pray for my Uncle Ivan. He is faced with the possibility of having his foot removed.
Blessed Be....
(If you read all my journals/Blogs, they will all read the same today, Thank you)