The Thing To Do

Mom

I was sitting here this insane time of morn picking out a birthday card for my Mom. Not my real Mother but my step-mother who had been somewhat of a terror in my youth but I digress because time moves on, people change, grow up and mend. Well, that is what had happened but now I find myself on the outside of the glass looking in.She remembered to send an Easter card but her first grandchild (ie Lucky) got squat for her birthday.I get email from her once a month and it is always forwarded nonsense with no personal message. By a slim chance if there is a message she promises to call but the call never comes.As a response to her impersonal emails I ask her to call. When I had my cell I called her ALLOT. We had such a strong relationship. She was a friend. Now I'm confused by their silence and I sit her unable to choose a card because my heart is hardened. I feel numb so I chose an animal card. You can't choose wrong with animals.I send the card because it's the thing to do.

The Kid

She's pretty ok but her moth tends to get her tail in trouble here at home. She's into the habit of wanting to be gone every weekend and now with her friends driving it makes it harder to keep her at home. Not that I want to keep her caged but she has responsibilities here at home too. It seems any time I want or need her home she has to go because this friend has that problem or something to the effect and we'd look cruel not to let her support her friends. No matter how many times we tell her if her friends need a ride home to let us know before hand cause it's rude to expect us to stop whatever we are doing to run her friends home. But she goes away for the second weekend in a row or we cart someone home because it's the thing to do.

Friends

Save for a select few I tend to be the person keeping my relationships going. If I don't write, call, email, comment on blog (journal, comment box, pm, myspace) or Instant message (Msn, yahoo, Myspace IM) I don't hear from people on the slim chance I am contacted, it is because the have a crisis they want me to fix for them.I can't call several people because my cell is gone and I don't have long distance and I have made that clear.With free nights and weekends, you'd think people would use that time to touch base with me. I have two people that call me unsolicited every day at that. My Sister Dawnie and Pierce. I normally don't name names but that is a given. But I kept reaching out cause it's the thing to do.

Me

On all these things I said it was the thing to do...Not the RIGHT thing to do because I don't think it is. I feel myself growing further apart from the people in my life with every broken promise. I have too much respect for myself to beg for a phone call from anyone. (Parents included) I'm done trying to keep these relationships going. All I am doing is starting to resent you. I've done the right thing in talking to you about how I feel, I've expressed the hurt I've felt when I'm slighted by you. For a little while you improve then it's back to the same habits.

Who do you think you are to have me sit and wait for your call, letter, pm, email, instant message or whatever the case may be? I have gone out of my way for every one of you several times. Never have I lied to you or backed out on you, stood you up or anything. If I canceled any plans I have given you valid reason before hand. And if I've ever said anything you don't want to hear, I've said it because I care and I was looking out for your best interest.

I'm past the point of getting close to people. I have four people in my life I can trust and that is more then most. I am grateful for that and I think it makes me a happier person mentally. Everyone else will get out of me what they put into the relationship.

This I think is the thing to do because the right thing just kept me up at night, kept my tummy in knots, made me anxious, moody, paranoid, depressed among other things and I don't like that Angel.