Worse then Torture

What might you ask is worse then torture? This itching I have on the wounds on the top of my feet. I swear I try to be good I really really do. I have trained myself not to scratch or pick when I'm awake. Every time I catch my hands gravitating towards my feet I make a conscious note to busy my hands with something else. It's no secret I have diabetes and the wounds started about two years ago as ulcers and they got really infected and covered the span of the top of my feet around my ankles and up my leg some. Now, all that is healed except for some dry patches. They get smaller then I end up itching and they get bigger, puffy and bloody. I have used everything the Doc has said to use, I've used Shea Butter (which has worked the best and took the constant pain and stinging out although I can only find it mixed with a lotion) and even in desperation, used baby oragel so I could make the itching stop. Nothing works and I fear this will never heal. I have bad circulation in my legs and they are prone to ulcers but I have been taking great care of them with going to the spa, exercising, and massaging them. I lay down several times a day to keep the tension down and I prop them up as well. I don't stay on my feet for long periods of time because they start tingling and turning purple. When I do have a small flare up and I catch places where there is pooling I do what I call my "Little surgeries" and I use a sterile lance from my blood sugar kit and drain the spot before it has a chance to do any damage. This has been working wonderful for me. I just need to get this DAMN ITCHING under control so I can heal because I tear the patches open scratching at them in my sleep. Bad enough where there is blood on my sheets. It's gotten to the point that it wakes me and I get up so I don't continue to scratch. Chris jokes of tieing me down in bed at night but then there is the whole gotta pee thing. The only place I can sleep without itching is in my chair and that isn't good for my legs. GRRR! I am tired, grumpy and this far from sawing my feet off!

Anyone with any ideas on what to do PLEASE lemme know! Thanks in advance.

In other news, Chris took me to the spa yesterday and it really helped me. I like to go at least once a week. I'd go more if I could. Not only do I relax then but I do water aerobics as well.

I emailed my Aunt Cathy who is my nemesis. She had been badgering my Sister for info on me and I just told her point blank, you wanna know about me, ask me.

Lucky is gone for the weekend again. She will be going to stay home for the next two no matter what she thinks. I am glad she turned in an application for weekend work at the Inn I go to for the spa. They are nice people and she can use a little cash.

We might not be moving now because we can't find what we are looking for right now. It would be ridiculous to move into another two bedroom so we may end up getting a storage unit for our surplus of belongings until we get a place we want. I still have a month to look though. New place means we get the pup we want sooner and being around Mickey then not so much made us kind of realize how much a pup would brighten our lives.

I might be coming out of my funk a bit. I dunno. I have my moments but the birds are chirping and it's hard to feel depressed when spring is here. I settled into knowing who my real friends are and how much I mean to them. My Sis is a key factor in that. Sometimes I have to be told I'm loved and missed. Sometimes it helps because at times still I don't like myself so much.

I cut my gum open pretty bad yesterday and it bled for half a hour. Was scary as hell. The kicker is I did it with a pringle. Yes...pringles are lethal to me at least.

Chris is going to take me to his Mom and Dad's so I can use the phone to call a dentist cause none of the gold diggers around here will take my insurance. We will have to go over a hour away. Sigh.

Well, Chris is up, my tummy is rumbling and I might as well go get some breakfast and watch TV until I pass out in my chair.

TTFN
Angel

~PS~ I will be lazy and copy/paste this in all my journals today.