Breathe...

Are you lonely? That was what my shrink asked me. I've thought about those three words over and over since he uttered them Thursday afternoon. I told him I have Chris and Lucky in the evening when we eat dinner and watch our shows. He repeated the question tacking on "in the day when they are gone?" I said I have my Sister who calls on the phone and there is Pierce who calls in the evenings...."But are you lonely?"

I know something is missing in my life.

I used to be the go to girl. There were so many people calling on and leaning on me that I hardly had time to think of anything inside me. But in those times, there were also people that were there if I needed something. If I needed to talk...I had that.

But now... when I really need you...I find myself lacking that.

Funny how people show up when they need a ride or a baby sitter. I get the call when your special friends aren't home. I get the visit when there is nothing better to do. I'm the one you call cause you have boyfriend/girlfriend troubles. I'm the one you contact when you want pity. The one you dump on when no one else is there or the one you reach out to when your bored.

I'm the in between girl now.

I have issues with abandonment.

I found myself deconstructing and the sleep was fading away once again so I started seeing a Shrink weekly. I'm finding that a good place to let go of the darkness inside me. I had hoped I had found a friend to rely on but sadly it hasn't happened so the Shrink will have to suffice.

It might be his job to listen but I know he is going to be there every time he is supposed to be, he's not going to lie to me, weasel out of a session or quit me when something new and shiny comes along. He won't give me excuses....and he will listen....really listen when I talk and anything he tells me will be for my greater good.