Angel Has the Blahs

I've been going through a roller coaster ride of feelings these days and it might just be because I don't get to see my shrink til after next week. This is the longest I've gone without talking to him since I started. Due to the ditz at the reception desk that day i had to go three weeks between appointments.
I have so much to say but I can't find the words here. I just know I can't sleep. i tried. The Xanax isn't knocking me out and I don't know what to do to get all this junk out of my head.
My head has hurt for days. I whacked myself pretty hard on the headboard but I doubt if I was concussed (cause I think I was) it would still feel this bad.
New Day
I am already having a fucked up day. Just one example...the phone was ringing just now, I went to get it, pulled my back and dropped the damn thing on the floor. Fuck it it can stay there for all I care.

Been listening to country....Aaron Tippen (sp?) good stuff.

THIS MADE MY DAY!

Dear Angel,

Thanks in part to your actions, we're celebrating two victories this week.

Tuesday, the Senate defeated an amendment to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and America's coastlines to drilling by a vote of 42-56.

Wednesday, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service issued its decision to list the polar bear as "threatened" under the Endangered Species Act.Thanks for speaking up and making a difference!

To all my friends who helped, thank you. I know that you've seen polar bears all over my msn, blogs, ect.....I can't do much but what I do I care so much about!

I will forever give a voice to the animals.

Long Time Gone

Hello Lords and Lasses, It is I Lady Angel at the other end of this quill. I know it's been awhile and I keep saying I'm gonna come back but I keep running into health problems and complications from my surgeries and it just hurts to sit up and bend over the keyboard. As much as I want to be with you all I need to take care of my body more. I know you understand.
Gaia.....I love my guild. I am trying to be there even if it is just in the OOC section. Gaia is running really slow for me. I know it's gaia because I can still get on other websites and they run fast for me. I still can't change Angel's clothes either. My Sister has been on doing some guild work and I have been on letting in new members when I can. I'm just worried about the guild is all. Sorry I can't be the leader I was. I will be back...seriously.
Journal readers......I write when I can, I know I have been putting this off. Not only do I have my health problems but Lucky has allot going on that she needs me for as well.
Friends...I miss you!
I had the mind to write a big long entry but Pierce and Sis are on my phone and i can't keep my mind on it now. LOL.

That is it, I am staying in bed!

Daily Horoscope by Astrology.com
Sunday May 4, 2008
Scorpio
Things go crazy at some point today, probably later on. You shouldn't try to just jump in, though -- it's a much better idea to let things play out for a while. You may not be in the right mood for it today, anyway.

Derby Tears For Angel

I'm here...well...in the world of the living. Surgeries went well, will write more later...not in the mood now due to the following.....

She broke both front ankles and was immediately laid down....
She came in second.....
RIP Eight Belles.
134th Kentucky Derby ends in tears.

Enuff Already

I'm going out of my skull, my hands are breaking out in patches again as well as the tops of my feet, on my left knee and elbow and my breathing is hard to get control of again. My Doc can't keep me on steroids forever and It's the only thing so far that keeps my skin under control and my lungs fluid free. I have these two surgeries next week as well as a Doc apt before the meeting for some ungodly reason. Why I'd see him before the procedures is beyond me.
My nerves are shot over what is going on with my Kid, my friends and I'm not sleeping all that well.
I can't fins an escape over the net due to it going offline every time the wind changes and my mind is racing too much to read.
I have the shrink today but what do i tell him? Nothing has changed in my head...things are shit?
I try to do what he asks me to, try hell, i have done what he asks me to but i still feel like I'm drowning and i fight with my best friends.
My kid, no matter how often we work things out in her life she treads quicksand and I get the brunt of it.
I feel like shit. I'm angry. I'm sick of getting better, getting my hopes up then it all back firing.
I want to crawl in a ball with Mister Teddy and Bu Bunny and just *Poof*

Date Nite

Wow, I had the best date nite Ever! Chris and I went out to eat at taco Bell then went to see Horton Hears A Who. He was quite the gentleman opening doors and closing them, holding my hand, tender romantic kisses here and there. I think what touched my heart the most is the song he burned on a CD, dedicated to and sung to me as well. He does sing often and I love it. It made me remember a night when he laid in bed, held me and sung to me. It just felt really good to get away from the house, alone and not be rushed. My health was well enough where there was no major problem. I got winded a bit and tired as well. I did run into a couple of bushes and stagger off the sidewalk. Classic Angel! I do have to say i wasn't panicky, I didn't feel odd around people and I was friendly to a soldier and an old man. I normally don't speak to people. The whole day went well and I will carry it on until the evening and if i cut you off I am sorry if it hurt your feelings but I did deserve having one day where I let no negativity in. (You know who I am talking about if your reading this)

The Song I spoke about...I am sure you will know what part applies to Chris and I.
SALIVA LYRICS
"Here With You"
Well I heard your voice on a Tulsa wind
When I was far away from home
I will come to you in a dream my friend
To love you when I'm gone
And there's never a second
Never a moment that you'll ever be alone
From Memphis to Oklahoma
From Boston to California
From Detroit to Arizona
I will always be forever,
Here with you
Well the first time I ever seen you face
I saw the ghost behind your eyes
Ever consuming me with your warm embrace
You're a woman and a child
And in just one second
Just one moment
It finally feels like home
In life there will be trials and troubles
But we will always have each other
And there will never be another woman in this world